Better Know a Renal Player: Tina the Lesbian

August 15, 2008

This week we get to better know the lesbian on my block

Like most lesbians, Tina enjoys box wine, the music of Nirvana (but not Huey Lewis), softball, and Girls Night Out down at ClamLappers. But she hates poetry about menstruation because she finds it trite and lazy. She’s a bit conflicted about Palestinian children’s programming though.

On top of dealing with her parents’ hope that lesbianism is just a phase, Tina often has to deal with the many misconceptions of the homosexual community that local frightened couple Sean and Lucia Wheatley have (and they have many, too many). And contrary to popular belief, lesbians cannot fold time and space, they come in all shapes and sizes, and are not the foot soldiers for the moral overthrow of America. But she can see the normally invisible-to-women manifestation of the Patriarchy.

Tina the Lesbian also has a sister, Jennifer the Straight.

She also thinks Vice President Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter is America’s Worst Lesbian, that she’s lost her hipster cred and that the military doesn’t know what irony is.

And she also enjoys nursemyra’s corset fridays, for the same reasons I do.



  1. so when is Tina gonna leave me a comment?

    (some of my best friends are lesbians :-)

  2. “…lesbians cannot fold time and space…”

    Yes they can. I have a very good friend who is a lesbian and she does this for me all the time. She’s the only reason I’m never late.

    I think what you meant to say is that while lesbians can fold space in time, they are exceptionally discrete about it.

  3. I think I might be in love with Tina, but I’m not a lesbian. However, after I read, “Tina enjoys box wine, the music of Nirvana (but not Huey Lewis), softball, and Girls Night Out down at ClamLappers,” I was very confused because I feel the same way about things.

    What should I do?

    • You can try out lesbianism on a part-time basis, like those girls at the bar who only kiss and feel up other girls so that dudes will buy them drinks. Then if you can handle that, you can go to full lesbo and start licking carpet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: