Three Months Salary? Try Ten Years Training

August 20, 2008

So me and Mikka and Tina the Lesbian are down the pub for a few pints of Michael Phelps Gold Medal Ale.  It goes down smooth and in world record time, but it has the aftertaste of a sweaty Speedo bodysuit.

“So have you and Samurai Cathy talked about marriage?” Tina the Lesbian says to Mikka.

“Yeah, but it’s definitely not going to happen for a while,” says Mikka.

“Not until you make enough to be able to purchase a good engagement ring, eh?” says Tina the Lesbian.

“No, that’s not it…” says Mikka.

“Taking it slow, good move,” I say. “I never get why people want to rush marriage.”

“Well, that’s not quite it either,” says Mikka.  “Samurai Cathy will only marry a man who can avenge her death, should she be slain in a duel or in battle.”

“So if Ninja Vicki kills Samurai Cathy, you would have to kill Ninja Vicki?” says Tina the Lesbian.

“That would be my task as her husband,” says Mikka.  “So Cathy’s been teaching me how to wield a sword.”

“And how has that been going?” I ask.

“Let’s just say I won’t be avenging anyone anytime soon,” says Mikka.

“Maybe you’d do better with a gun,” I say.

“No one shoots a ninja,” says Mikka.  “Sniper Cindy can’t even shoot a ninja.”

“Well… then you’ve got a big problem,” says Tina the Lesbian.  “What if Samurai Cathy meets a guy who can avenge her death?  She might dump you.”

“No, she wouldn’t do that,” says Mikka.  “Would she?”

“I don’t think so,” I say.

“Then again, this guy hasn’t had a date in four years,” Tina the Lesbian adds, pointing at me.  “Women are a fickle bunch, don’t I know.”

Mikka’s looking very concerned, and I can hear the insecurities in his head whirling around like a busy hard drive.  And when you hear that sound, you can tell that person is going to say or do something very stupid.

“Look, if Cathy’s whole thing was about someone avenging her death she wouldn’t have gotten together with you in the first place,” I say.  “Just looking at you, it’s pretty clear you’re not avenging anyone.”

“He’s got a point,” says Tina the Lesbian.  “Your proficiency as a warrior was not what attracted her to you.”

That seems to make Mikka feel better.  For now.  That’s the thing about insecurities drive in your brain… it revs up when you least expect it, and usually when it can cause the most harm.



  1. Obviously Cathy is waiting for Tina. It’s probably all for the best.

  2. Great so that’s one other thing women are after, good job, house, handsome, able to avenge death… shit its just one thing after another.

  3. I could find a sweaty Speedo bodysuit attractive if it was worn by the right person

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