When you’re gay enough to send the very best

September 3, 2008

Tina the Lesbian is pleased that Hallmark is now selling cards specifically for gay marriages. Yeah, it’s a little thing, but when you’re gay you take what little victories you can get.

“I’ve got friends getting hitched in Massachusetts and I was worried about what to do for a card,” says Tina the Lesbian. “Now my problems are solved.”

“What did you do for cards before this new line of gay cards?” I ask.

“I had to make my own,” says Tina the Lesbian. “I’d go to the craft store, get some poster board and some markers and some glitter and ribbons. It was like I was back in grade school doing art projects.”

“And did the gay couples appreciate your efforts?” I say.

“For the most part,” says Tina the Lesbian. “They understood how hard it was to find a wedding card that didn’t have a bride and a groom on it.”

“I have trouble getting people wedding cards too,” I say. “Most of them are so saccharine sweet I vomit right there in the store. That’s why I like it when they have those wedding cards that are in Spanish, because then I can’t read it.”

“So when I finally meet the girl of my dreams, you’ll be giving me a Spanish wedding card?” says Tina the Lesbian.

“And inside will be a fifty-dollar gift certificate at Strappin’ On Lads,” I say, referring to the dildo boutique in the next town over (sorry Todd Rigid and the Adultatorium, but they’ve got the widest selection of dildos in the state, because that’s all they sell).

Or maybe I can get a good lesbian wedding card made over at Dirty Shanks. Something along the lines of “With this carpet, I thee munch.”



  1. “…with this carper, I thee munch.” What’s lesbian about that. I’d use that myself. Hot dogs anyone?

  2. Here I was, just an innocent hillbilly recovering from last night (don’t ask) and I stumbled upon your blog. Coincidence?? yeah.

    I’ve never had to come up with a lesbian card cuz, like I said, I’m a hillbilly. But try and find a “with this sheep I pledge my trouth” card.

  3. “With this carpet, I thee munch.”

    Who says romance is dead.

  4. I’m with RedRaider. Hell, I’d marry the first boy who promised a lifetime of munchin’.

  5. dolce – you could try playing a little harder to get

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