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Who you are is different from what you do, but not who you do

September 9, 2008

Ninja Vicki and Tina the Lesbian were hanging out the other night, drinking cosmopolitans and watching Project RunAway. That’s the show where fashion designers pick up teenage runaways at the bus station and force them to wear ridiculous clothes in exchange for lunchmeat and smack.

“Hey, why are you called Ninja Vicki and I’m named Tina the Lesbian?” Tina asks during a commercial break.

“Because I’m a ninja and you’re a lesbian,” says Ninja Vicki.

“Yeah, but why is it that I’m not Lesbian Tina and you’re not Vicki the Ninja?” says Tina.

“Because being a ninja is my job,” says Ninja Vicki. “It’s my job title. You know, like Queen Elizabeth. You wouldn’t say Elizabeth the Queen.”

“Uh-huh,” says Tina, pondering this.

“But you’re a lesbian by birth,” Ninja Vicki continues. “Like how Henry the Eighth was the eighth Henry by birth, but no one calls him Eighth Henry.”

“What about Avonia the Wiccan Pimp?” says Tina the Lesbian. “She wasn’t born Wiccan and her job is a pimp.”

“That’s a special case,” says Ninja Vicki. “She’s got two things going for her, Wicca and pimping. Plus Wiccan Pimp Avonia doesn’t sound as cool.”

“What if her full title was A Wiccan Pimp Named Avonia?” says Tina. “You know, like A Pimp Named Slickback or A Tribe Called Quest?”

“But it’s not, so we don’t call her that,” says Ninja Vicki.

“You’re just making this shit up, aren’t you?” says Tina the Lesbian.

“Hello… ninja here,” Ninja Vicki says, pointing at herself with her thumbs. “My whole life is about deception.”

Despite what the Internet may tell you, it’s usually not a good idea to Ask a Ninja. Anything.

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2 comments

  1. I really must go back to Ask a Ninja one of these days, its been so long since I’ve seeen that.


  2. I’d like to Ask A Ninja why you’ve eased off the blogging and commenting :-(



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