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TiVo won’t terminate a pregnancy

September 10, 2008

I keep hearing the phrase “Abortion on demand” bandied about by politicians and pundits and such, but no one ever has ever explained what it means.

Until now.

“I remember last Fall I knocked up some broad,” Anonymous Doug says to me as we share some pints down at the pub. “But I didn’t want to do my usual disappear for all-time thing I always do because she had digital cable and the NFL package that let me watch every game on Sundays.”

Anonymous Doug likes his football, because he usually has money riding on all the games.

“So there I am, sitting on the couch, wondering how I’m going to get out of this one,” Anonymous Doug says. “She’s all about having the kid, being all Catholic and shit.”

Anonymous Doug likes banging Catholic chicks, because they will do the dirtiest stuff in bed.

“So while she’s taking a shower, I decide to ease the pain by checking out some of the shows offered on her digital cable’s On Demand option,” says Anonymous Doug. “Maybe they have some Fawlty Towers episodes or something.”

Anonymous Doug likes John Cleese. No explanation is necessary.

“And what should I find just under the latest episodes of Battlestar Galactica?” says Anonymous Doug.

“Abortion on Demand,” I say.

“One click of the remote, a scream from the bathroom, and I’m no longer a daddy,” says Anonymous Doug. “Dodged a bullet, and got to watch the rest of football season.”

It’s Anonymous Doug’s world… you just don’t remember you’re living in it.

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8 comments

  1. I was a catholic chick…..


  2. i have a button that says “Abortion on Demand, Without Apology”. But it’s not on my TiVo… Hmmm…


  3. If you accidentally choose Abortion on Demand when you’re not pregnant, it aborts your lunch. Still hurts.


  4. I wish TiVO had “blowjob on demand.”


  5. What a coincidence, nursemyra, I was a Catholic boy.

    Daisy, I demand other people apologize for not having abortions.

    I’ve had an aborted lunch too. It’s called Taco Bell.

    And someone get John a Catholic girl!


  6. Man your going to hell for that one… I’ll see you there!


  7. No WONDER those things are so expensive!


  8. “I’ve had an aborted lunch too. It’s called Taco Bell.”

    Being British, you’d probably expect me to be unfamiliar with “Yo quiero Taco Smell”. But then, I did spend six months backpacking across the eastern United States.

    During my stay, I found Taco Bell to be an insufficient dietary requirement. I mean, I’ve got nothing against Yum! Brands Inc. at all. I’m actually quite fond of KFC.

    But how can anyone legally justify shoving excrement into a tortilla wrap and then marketing it as a burrito? That’s just fucking wrong.



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