Better Know a Renal Player: Ninja Vicki

September 12, 2008

This week you get to learn about Ninja Vicki… before she slits your throat…

Ninja Vicki moved to our neighborhood in 2006 (yes, she’s a homeowner). There was an adjustment period where we got used to her ninja lifestyle, whether that involved entering houses through windows instead of doors (she likes hiding in the dark corners of my house for some reason), sneaking food out of the supermarket unseen, sneaking up on people and tagging them to let them know how close to death they were, or stealing my newspaper to read it before I do.

Ninjas like Vicki are also very dangerous drunks, don’t handle the common cold or allergies so well, and should never host Festivus celebrations. They also vote Democratic in elections, probably because of ninjitsu’s strong ties to unions (and her own belief that Republicans have ruined the meaning of words).

Did you know Vicki’s a college graduate? Now you do.

And Vicki takes being a ninja very seriously. She can’t stand ninja posers. You don’t see ninjas coming when they decide to break into your house and kill you.

Unfortunately much to Ninja Vicki’s dismay, her ninja lifestyle prevents her from dating, despite her mother’s best efforts (which cause most of the tension in that family). Some might claim it’s because of her small bust size. We suspect her love of Peter Cetera songs as well as Euro dance pop may have something to do with it. It ain’t because she’s not hot, that’s for taffy. Lesbians seem to like her though.

Ninja Vicki has a blood feud with Samurai Cathy going all the way back to their days in high school. And this feud has been complicated with Samurai Cathy dating Mikka, who Ninja Vicki had no feelings for him until he hooked up with Cathy (who actually does like Mikka). And despite her best efforts, Ninja Vicki has not been able to turn anyone else against Samurai Cathy.

Then there was the epic disaster that was the double date Ninja Vicki engineered between Samurai Cathy, Mikka, herself, and Tag Larkin

So… do you think you know Ninja Vicki better now? Do you know that she’s standing behind you right now? Oh no! She got you while you were distracted reading this. Ninja Vicki strikes again!




  1. But can she wreak havoc with a face melting guitar solo? Because ninjas who can do that are the most awesome of all ninjas.

  2. She wasnt behind me… was she?

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