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Fannie Mae is a hooker and Freddie Mac is a male whore

September 16, 2008

Avonia the Wiccan Pimp has always been an advocate for keeping prostitution businesses simple and local, seeing how they only come under scrutiny and inevitably fall when they become too large and complicated.

But there is one thing that makes her consider expanding her business to a statewide or national level… government bailouts.

With mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac going under and getting swallowed up by the government, Avonia wonders why that couldn’t happen with prostitution.

“The airlines got bailed out after 9/11,” Avonia says. “And I have more satisfied customers than all the airline companies combined.”

“But I’m not sure if the failure of a major prostitution business would have the negative shockwave effect on other industries,” I say.

“On the contrary, we keep executives from every industry from losing their damn minds,” says Avonia. “Remember the stories about bankers jumping out of windows when the stock market crashed in 1929?  Don’t hear much about leaping bankers anymore, now do you?”

“So you’re saying hookers are what’s keeping bankers and stock brokers from killing themselves in these hard economic times?” I say.

“Indeed,” says Avonia. “Also, I have a plan to keep down those extravagant CEO salaries and severance packages.”

“Let me guess, golden showers instead of golden parachutes?” I say.

“Your instincts serve you well,” says Avonia. “I’m for handjobs instead of handouts.”

“But do you really want the government involved in your world of prostitution?” I ask. “I mean, you’ve been pimping for years on your own. You really want government intervention with that?”

“Did you really think the board of directors at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mach were really enthusiastic about mortgages?” says Avonia. “It’s a job, that’s all it is. Besides, I’d find it highly amusing if actual whores were considered federal employees.”

Avonia has a dream, where her whores for sex can walk hand-in-hand in Washington DC with all those professional whores for oil and the credit industry.

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4 comments

  1. I like Avonia’s dream very much.

    I dearly hope I have a similar dream tonight. That would be splendid.


  2. I told my mother i was a male prostitute when i was actually a government employee. Didn’t want her to be ashamed of me.


  3. It’s a beautiful dream…


  4. Handjobs instead of handouts… I love it



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