Airwolf means something different in this new century

September 17, 2008

“I want to go to Alaska,” Bernie the Half Cyborg Cat says to his wife.

“I’m nat goin’ ta fahkin’ Alaska,” Marlie says. “I’ll freeze me damn clit off up there.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to take you,” says Bernie. “I just said I wanted to go.”

“Why d’ya wanta go ta fahkin’ Alaska?” says Marlie.

“Because I want to hunt wolves from an aircraft,” says Bernie.

“You can’t do that here?” says Marlie.

“Not legally I can’t,” says Bernie. “And not for money either. Sarah Palin’s offering $150 for each front left wolf leg I bring in.”

“But ya ganna hafta kill like fifty wolves just to cover ya costs of flyin’ out ta fahkin’ Alaska, let alone the cost of rentin’ an airplane or heli ta shoot fram,” says Marlie. “An’ then there’s all ya ammo ya gonna burn thra. That’s like anotha’ twenty wolves at least.”

“Oh, I’m planning on killing at least a hundred wolves,” says Bernie. “Those canine bastards don’t stand a chance against my targeting system or my hip-mounted laser cannon.”

“No one hunts with a laser cannon, silly kitty,” says Marlie.

“Well, I do and it’s awesome,” says Bernie. “It’s like shooting and cooking your prey at the same time.”

“Ya not goin’ ta fahkin’ Alaska ta kill wolves and that’s final,” says Marlie. “We can’t affard it and there’s plenty of shite far ya to shoot right here in this town.”

And so Bernie calls the local animal shelter and asks if he can get a part time putting stray dogs to sleep. And by “to sleep” he means letting them get a fifty yard running start in an open field before he picks them off with his laser. They hung up on him, so it looks like Bernie is back to shooting dogs in the park and then planting a knife on them afterwards.



  1. bernie is one evil half cyborg cat.

  2. He could come to Australia and get a job shooting pigs from helicopters… how does he feel about pigs.

  3. oink oink

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