You’re not going to jail, you’re going to the glue factory!

September 18, 2008

So I’m having a nightcap on my roof with local superheroes Mercury Shadow and Crimson Paraplegic, partaking in my case of Guinness.  What?  You were expecting a beer with a funny name?  Not this time, not after we found out Guinness really is good for you.

Anyway, the last time they were up for drinks on my roof, they were bemoaning the fact that they had no high quality villains to fight and that was the reason that they hadn’t gotten the mainstream popularity of other superheroes, like Iron Man or Spiderman.  Now it seems like they may have found someone for Crimson Paraplegic…

“Bad Horse,” says Mercury Shadow.

“The head of the Evil League of Evil from Joss Whedon’s Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog?” I say.

“Yes, the thoroughbred of sin,” says Crimson Paraplegic.  “He would be perfect.”

“Why would you want to fight him?” I ask.

“Because Bad Horse has four fully-functional legs and that really fucking cheeses me, man,” says Crimson Paraplegic.  “It’s like he’s mocking me by having twice as many working legs than I do.”

“But you can fly,” I say.  “You’re flying right now.  Well, hovering, actually, but still… I think that’s more advantageous than having four legs.  And horse legs aren’t well made either.  They get poor circulation and if they suffer a fracture, the horse has to be put down.”

“But a lot of people suffer crippling spinal cord injuries from horse riding,” says Mercury Shadow.  “So there’s the angle that Crimson Paraplegic is fighting this evil horse to prevent others from suffering the type of paralysis she has.”

“Is that’s Bad Horse’s power? ” I say.  “Crippling those who try to ride him?”

“I don’t know,” says Crimson Paraplegic.  “I just want to punch out a horse.”

“Well, you can’t fight Bad Horse because he’s not real,” I say.

“Yet…” says Crimson Paraplegic with a devilish smile.

“What do you mean by that?” I ask suspiciously.

“Actually, nothing,” Crimson Paraplegic sheepishly says.  “It just seemed like something fun to say.”

She’s crippled and can crush my skull with her fingertips.  I’ll let her say whatever the hell she wants.


  1. Make the Bad Horse gleeful, or he’ll make you his mare…

  2. or his “phantom mare” :-)

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