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This is why you’re voting for Tag Larkin

September 25, 2008

Look, we already know that you’re voting for Tag Larkin, but do you know why?

Because unlike Barack Obama, Tag Larkin is not running for change or hope or some other abstract concept like that. Tag Larkin only runs on concrete concepts. Like steak. And ice cream. And boobs.

This is why you’re voting for Tag Larkin.

Because unlike Joe Biden, Tag Larkin isn’t a tool of the credit card companies. In fact, Tag Larkin is not beholden to any special interest group because there’s only one thing that interests Tag Larkin, and that’s Tag Larkin! Oil companies? Tag Larkin isn’t listening. NRA? Who’s that? Tag Larkin doesn’t know you. Old lady needing help across the street? Move aside! Tag Larkin has no time for such things!

This is why you’re voting for Tag Larkin.

Because unlike John McCain, Tag Larkin didn’t crash three airplanes. Tag Larkin crashed six. And Tag Larkin never even served in the Navy or Air Force either. That was all in Tag Larkin’s spare time, and all to support the troops.

This is why you’re voting for Tag Larkin.

Because unlike Sarah Palin, Tag Larkin won’t hire his old high school buddies to important positions in government. This is because Tag Larkin hates everyone he went to high school with. In fact, Tag Larkin will call up everyone he went to high school with just to tell them they’re not getting hired for any jobs in his administration. Those formative years were not kind to Tag Larkin.

And now you know why you’re voting for Tag Larkin. Not that you had a choice in the matter anyway.

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6 comments

  1. Thanks for the kind, and true, words. You speak from the head and not the heart. That’s good. No time to be hip or trendy and cool. Time to kick ass is now. It’s hammertime!!!

    Respectfully,
    Tag aka The Tagman, Tagster or Tag Meister.


  2. Tag imposter! Tag Larkin has no need for such nicknames! Tag Larkin is Tag Larkin, and that’s all he goes by!


  3. Where can I get my ‘Steak, Ice Cream, Boobs’ bumper stickers, i want to show my support for Tag Larkin.


  4. me too me too


  5. i’d vote for Tag Larkin. He can’t do worse than McBush… who will find a way to steal this election.


  6. Tag Larking for write in, bitches.



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