Better Know a Renal Player: Mercury Shadow and Crimson Paraplegic

September 26, 2008

This week our readers get to know our local superheroes a little better, even though they don’t have their own comic books or blockbuster movies yet.

Mercury Shadow was our town’s only superhero for a while before Crimson Paraplegic transferred to our ‘burg after a horrific incident in her previous hamlet during a game of Murderball. As a veteran superhero, he’s been teaching her the ins and out and superheroing. Stuff like which crimes superheroes actually get involved in stopping, forming a street-level intelligence network of prostitutes, and not trusting the government.

Superheroes, like normal people, tend to be rather quirky, as seen in how Mercury Shadow hates Superman because he makes all the other heroes look less impressive (he respects the hell out of Batman, though). And how Crimson Paraplegic follows the superhero rule of “no killing,” but exploits it as a loophole so she can punch villains in the spine and cripple them.

Mercury Shadow and Crimson Paraplegic know the importance of getting a good superhero name, developing an awesome catchphrase, and that toy companies will completely cock things up when they make a toy based on you.

Over time, Crimson Paraplegic has become the more popular superhero, as at this point in his long career Mercury Shadow is pretty much coasting. But with that popularity comes new struggles. Like finding out people expect their superheroines to be both hot-looking and powerful, and to dress sexy too, despite the logistical problems a skimpy outfit poses to fighting crime.

Also our super duo have figured out that a superhero needs a really good supervillain to capture the public’s imagination (like Bad Horse, for example), and get them the big marketing and movie deals that heroes like Spiderman and Iron Man have. And the evil and lonely mad scientist Dr. Platonic really does not qualify as one of those.

Oh, and one time the Wheatleys called on Crimson Paraplegic to make sure Tina the Lesbian couldn’t summon earthquakes.



One comment

  1. Murderball is a great movie!

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