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Oh, I’ll inspire you… but it won’t be cheap

October 7, 2008

Psycho Dave seems in a better mood lately, and that worries me. So I ask him what’s got him feeling chipper these days.

“Pentagon money!” says Psycho Dave. “They’re paying $300 million over the next three years to contractors to produce news stories, entertainment programs and public service advertisements for the Iraqi media in an effort to “engage and inspire” the local population to support U.S. objectives and the Iraqi government.”

“And you’ve got some plans in mind to engage and inspire a people you’ve never met, right?” I say.

“Dude, it’s easy,” says Psycho Dave. “Four words: female full frontal nudity.”

“Naked women are going to engage and inspire a land of ethnic strife and suicide bombers?” I say.

“All right… five words: hot female full frontal nudity,” says Psycho Dave.

“Muslims aren’t know for their zeal for naked women,” I say. “Are you familiar with the burka?”

“That involves something with tonguing the asshole, right?” says Psycho Dave. “Let’s not get distracted here. It’s a fact, hot nude chicks have inspired men throughout the whole of human history and I’m just the man to implement this in Iraq.”

“Well, what about the women?” I ask. “What’s to inspire them?”

“Then we move to Stage 2,” says Psycho Dave.

“Naked Orlando Bloom?” I say.

“No, naked hermaphrodites,” says Psycho Dave. “Chicks with dicks! Box and Cocks! Beef Stick and Beef Curtains! That’s inspiring, I don’t care who you are.”

“And the Pentagon will be giving you how much for this?” I ask.

“Twenty million dollars… that’s bacon for life, baby,” says Psycho Dave.

Well, the Pentagon have spent more on worse… like Psycho Dave’s Operation: Bear Drop, where the military would drop thousands of hungry bears into Iraq to eat insurgents. How would the bears know who is an insurgent and who is a regular Iraqi citizen? That’s why Psycho Dave got the Pentagon to pay for his Operation: Not So Fresh where his meticulous research discovered that terrorists smell and taste like salmon.

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5 comments

  1. The date on this post says October 7th. Dear god, are you blogging from the future? What’s it like in the land of tomorrow?


  2. I’m guessing the land of tomorrow has lots of full frontal nudity in it? Am I right? Do I win? I want me some of that pentagon money…


  3. I got distracted after ‘tonguing the asshole’…


  4. I got distracted after “bacon for life”


  5. wow very nice blog,very much informative! anywhere before anything like this unreadable, thanks for posting the article, was certainly a great read! thank you.



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