For an extra billion, they’ll throw in Bjork

October 13, 2008

Psycho Dave is rummaging through my closets, and it looks like he’s stealing my winter apparel.

“Hey, I need those coats and scarves and furry Russian hats for the coming winter,” I say to him.

“Well, I need them more,” says Psycho Dave. “I just made a huge purchase with the money I earned from my deal with the Pentagon to show tits and vag to Iraqis to make them pliant to American ideas.

“What did you buy? A chalet in Aspen?” I say derisively.

“No, I bought Iceland,” says Psycho Dave.

*blink* *blink*

“What do you mean you bought Iceland?” I say.

“I mean I bought the entire country of Iceland,” says Psycho Dave. “Iceland was going bankrupt and… well, now I own it.”

I don’t ask him the details of his purchase, because with Psycho Dave it’s best not to know the details of his exploits. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let him take my winter coats.

“You do know that Iceland is rather temperate, right?” I say. “It’s an old joke… Icleand is really green and Greenland is really icy.”

“I have no time for jokes that don’t end with someone having their human dignity horrifically violated,” says Psycho Dave, continuing to pile up my fleece collection. “And as the owner of Iceland I have even less time.”

“So what are you going to do with Iceland now that you own it?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” shrugs Psycho Dave. “Probably fuck it.”

“You’re going to fuck Iceland?” I say.

“I fuck everything I own,” says Psycho Dave. “My recliner, my couch, my vinyl copy of Frampton Comes Alive…”

“But we’re talking about a country here,” I say. “A whole country.”

“If I don’t fuck Iceland, who will?” says Psycho Dave. “Say, you want to be prime minister? I’ll let you get sloppy seconds.”

Well… all right, but he’s still not taking my damn winter coats.




  1. there’s only 300,000 people on that moss-covered volcanic rock. the women are quite lovely. the men? notsomuch… assuming 50/50 ratio, he can bang his way through the fuckable women in a couple years…

  2. Psycho Dave will also snog the moss and the volcanic rock too, because thoroughness is neighbors with godliness.

  3. “If I don’t fuck Iceland, who will?” says Psycho Dave.

    Thats why I love Dave he’s always thinking of others.

  4. My God! Iceland is going to be so happy. Man… they have been begging for it for years. Maybe once Psycho Dave gets done with them they will quit humping Greenland’s leg.

  5. oh let him take the tweed, it didn’t suit you anyway

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