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eHarmony is not for ninjas

October 16, 2008

Ninja Vicki’s mom is reverting to old form and has gone back to trying to get her daughter to go on dates. Only this time she’s being a bit more subtle with it.

“I didn’t know you could buy someone a subscription to e-Harmony,” says Ninja Vicki.

I suggest to Ninja Vicki that she not activate it, but Ninja Vicki says her mom would find out she wasn’t using it and then she’d never hear the end of it. So the path of least resistance goes through e-Harmony.

“What is this shit?” says Ninja Vicki as she begins to create her profile. “What’s this ‘upload a photo’ bullshit?”

“Photos are important on dating sites like this,” I say. “Tina the Lesbian’s got a digital camera. I’ll give her a call.”

“Ninjas do not allow anyone to take their picture,” Ninja Vicki informs me.

“Well if you don’t have a photo your mom is going to know you’re not being serious about using her gift subscription to eHarmony, and then she’s going to fill up your voicemail with nagging phone calls until you do,” I say.

“Ninjas do not allow anyone to take their picture,” Ninja Vicki repeats.

“What about if someone takes your picture without you knowing it?” I say.

“Who could take a picture of a ninja without that ninja knowing about it?” asks Ninja Vicki.

“Bernie the Half Cyborg Cat can,” I say. “He’s got a digital camera built into his cyborg eye.”

“Okay, but he has to sneak up on me to take the picture,” says Ninja Vicki.

There is only person in town who can sneak up on Ninja Vicki, and it’s Bernie. Not only is he a quiet stalker, he’s got that Predator heat vision too.

Now all we have to do is work on her profile. I’m sure she’ll find people who are interested in “throwing shurikens” and “sword-sharpening,” but I doubt they are the type of guys who Ninja Vicki will be interesting in dating.

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2 comments

  1. ‘I’m sure she’ll find people who are interested in “throwing shurikens” and “sword-sharpening,” but I doubt they are the type of guys who Ninja Vicki will be interesting in dating.’

    Yeah… MEN! I’d volunteer but I dont fancy being killed in my sleep.


  2. I ninja vicki bi? I could be persuaded…..



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