And if you call now, you’ll get responsible foreign policy for free

November 3, 2008

Last Wednesday, Tina the Lesbian and Avonia the Wiccan Pimp watched the Barack Obama half-hour informercial that aired before the resumption of Game 5 of the World Series between the Philadelphia Phillies and the Tampa Bay Rays.  (side note: WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS!  Hi Ricky!)

“So how was it?” I ask.  I had missed the infomercial because I was trying to get as drunk as I was last Monday before Game 5 was suspended because of rain.

“It was amazing,” Tina the Lesbian says.  “Obama sold me on a positive message of hope, and he also sold me a couple tubs of Oxi-Clean too.”

Apparently in between stories of Americans struggling in these tough times, Obama took the time to pitch some items to the viewing audience.

“Obama said he was going to clean up the mess in Washington, but with Oxi-Clean I could clean up the mess in my own home,” says Tina the Lesbian.  “Next thing I know I’m on the phone with my credit card in hand.”

Tina the Lesbian also purchased the P90X home fitness training system from Obama, as per Obama’s goal for a stronger, leaner, more ripped America.

“Obama got me to buy a rotisserie cooker,” Avonia the Wiccan Pimp says.

“But you’re a vegetarian,” I say.

“He was very persuasive,” says Avonia the WIccan Pimp.

He also convinced Avonia to purchase the TimeLife Songs of the 90’s collection to remind Avonia of a time when things in America weren’t so fucked up.

If Obama wins the election, I wonder if he’ll do these more often.  Sort of a fireside chat for the new century, complete with offers for Ronco food dehydrators and the ShamWow!  And if you vote now, he’ll throw in a few bottles of OrangeGLo absolutely free*.

*Shipping and handling costs only applicable if you make over $250,000 a year.




  1. Some funny stuff there.

  2. I’m kind of annoyed Ron Popeil wasnt involved though.

  3. do you think he’d throw in a Bedazzler?

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