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Unleash Blackageddon!!!

November 6, 2008

As soon as John McCain gave his concession speech, Operation SuperBillyFreakOut was given the go-sign. And by go-sign I mean I kicked down the Wheatley’s door.

“Quick!  You gotta hide!”  I yell at a petrified Sean and Lucia Wheatley.  “It’s begun!”

“What???  What is it?” says Sean Wheatley, leaping from the couch along with his wife.

“It’s Blackaggedon!” I say.  “Obama has unleashed the Black Panthers and the S1W’s to start rounding up white people into Socialist Honkey Concentration Camps!  They’re on their way right now!”

“But Obama hasn’t even been sworn in yet,” says Lucia Wheatley.

“Didn’t you see that electoral map?”  I say.  “He blew McCain out of the damn water.  Obama’s got a mandate, and he’s looking to have that mandate with you!  Now hide!”

“I don’t want a mandate!”  Sean shrieks.

“Where can we hide from such a menace?” Lucia says, almost hopelessly.

“In the basement!”  I say.  “And break all the light bulbs.  Everyone knows Black Panthers are afraid of dark basements.”

“But what about you?” says Lucia.  “Hide with us!”

“No, I must run interference so that others like you may live to tell the story about how America died one day after the election of 2008,” I say.

“God bless your hellbound atheist heart,” says Sean as he and his wife run down into the basement.  And that’s when I leave their house, set up my lawn chair on their lawn, and crack open a fresh keg of beer while I wait to see how long the Wheatley will stay in their dark basement before they realize there are no Black Panther troops rounding up white people into internment camps, and that Barack Obama is not coming to have a mandate with Sean’s ass.  I’m betting on two weeks.  Tina the Lesbian thinks three.

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10 comments

  1. I MUST use that! Will let you know how it goes.


  2. off to pound on doors of homes still sporting McCain/Palin signs…


  3. Fucking Wheatleys deserve it.


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    To get my venture off the ground I’m offering to make a ebook out of the archives of your blog for free.
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  5. it’d be more fun if it were five weeks


  6. I had a mandate once… no wait sorry that was something else…


  7. is it safe to come out now?


  8. No, it’s still too black outside. Check back in December.


  9. Now is it safe? i’m hungry and it’s cold.


    • No, it’s still too dangerous! You might have to wait until Black History Month in February. Blackaggedon will not be expecting that.



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