Richard Dawkins is like Judas Priest but with less leather

December 1, 2008

Tina the Lesbian calls me the other day to tell me that the Wheatleys want to ask me something but are afraid to come over to my house and do it themselves.

“They want to know how atheists can kill god-fearing Christians with books,” TIna the Lesbian says.

Apparently some college student read The God Delusion by noted atheist Richard Dawkins and the book so shattered this kid’s belief system that he committed suicide. Just like when kids supposedly killed themselves because of the music of Judas Priest and Ozzy Osbourne, but without the electric guitars and leather pants.

“Tell them that atheists have powers like the creepy girl in that movie The Ring,” I say. “If you read one of our books, you kill yourself in seven days because we absorb your entire belief in God until all that’s left is for you to put a bullet in your brain.”

“You know this is going to cause them not to read books anymore,” says Tina the Lesbian. “Because they’re not going to be sure whether or not the author of any book is an atheist.”

“I don’t think they read books now,” I say. “According to the some Catholic bishop in England, education is like kryptonite to God. The more edjumicated you gets, the less you follow the Church’s teachings.”

So Tina the Lesbian relays my message to the frightened Wheatleys, and she adds her own warning that she’s going to buy the audio book version of The God Delusion and if the Wheatleys show up at her door again with something stupid she’s going to play it for them and then they’re going to die.

Funny how my atheism supposedly gives me supernatural powers…





  1. I’ve seen Dawkins in leather pants… that was a weird time in my life…

  2. there’s always christian bookstores. i wondered who bought books from them. now it makes sense to me.
    and i don’t buy the arguement that education leeches the knowledge of god from people. it isn’t true.

  3. Frightening the Wheatleys. sounds like a good title for a book or a movie. or a band.

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