The Shoes Make the Man, and Make Throwing Something at the Man Easier

December 16, 2008

We’ve watched the footage of that Iraqi journalist throwing his shoes at President Bush all day, because it’s a much better way to spend the day then fighting the crowds at the shopping malls.

“That man has awesome form,” Mikka says.  “I think he’s done this before.”

“Hell, Bush looks like he’s done this before,” says Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat.  “I guess when you’re an asshole, you learn how to duck at an early age.”

“Proof once again of my theory that power is derived from shoes,” I say.  “He couldn’t do that if he was wearing sandals or flip-flops.  Only shoes have the heft and weight and aerodynamics to be properly hurled at someone.”

“Bush should be glad it wasn’t a woman hurling heels at him,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp.  “I’ve got some boots that could cause some serious damage.”

“Look how slow the Secret Service is on moving in on the shoe-thrower,” says Tina the Lesbian.  “There could have been a bomb in that shoe.  Are we no longer afraid of shoe bombs?  Can I stop taking my fucking shoes off at the airport every time I want to fly anywhere?”

“Someone make this shoe-thrower the President of Iraq,” says Ninja Vicki.  “He’s now the most popular person in Iraq.  He’s clearly the one person who can united this country.”

“Shoe throwing is supposed to be one of the biggest insults you can give someone in the Middle East,” says Samurai Cathy.  “But I don’t care how much I want to insult someone, I’m not throwing my shoes at them.  I paid 90 bucks for these high-tops.  I’ll just give you the finger.”

Tag Larkin won’t throw his shoes at someone.  He will, however, throw your shoes at someone.  Even if you’re still wearing them.

avonia smallnote



  1. I love the fact he thinks he’s done nothing to deserve it… one day I hope to be that sure of myself.

  2. sorry alex, that day’s never gonna come….

  3. I didn’t really need a good laugh, but one is always welcome. when it came to the guy heaving both shoes at our present, sitting-catastrophe in the Oval Office at the White House, I was for giving the guy a medal. But, I’ve been topped: President of Iraq, it should be. I wonder. Does W. Bush know that having a shoe heaved at him in that part of the world is as bad an insult as being spit upon in this country? And he got both shoes!

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