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It’s hard to go Christmas shopping when you’re banned from the mall

December 17, 2008

So I’m walking around my local mall, as I am wont to do when I’m shopping. And while I’m walking I’m flagged down by a lovely young lady manning one of those kiosks. Lovely is a bit of a understatement because this girl is smoking hot. She is rocking a tight sweater and that skinny jeans + knee high boots look that just short circuits my mind and makes me highly susceptible to suggestion.

Anyway, she’s looking to sell me some hand lotion, and that provides a lifeline to my logic center because the prospect of spending money always clears my mind, even when confronted with a woman in boots (a woman in just boots… okay, she still has the advantage, but for a good goddamn reason).

“So it’s one bottle for fifteen bucks, but three for thirty-five?” I say.

“Yup,” says the hot woman whose desperate quest for commission sales has led her to believe I need hand lotion.

“Does this stuff come with a photograph of you?” I say. “Because if so, I’d better get the three-pack because I’ll blow right through that one bottle in a single evening.”

Security comes pretty quickly at my local mall, especially since they got those Segways.

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5 comments

  1. So what you’re saying is men aren’t allowed to say suggestive remarks anymore to salespeople at the mall? What kind of a culture are we living in? Dammit.


  2. In Canada that would be considered a compliment.


  3. Dude, ya gotta admit that was lame. Maybe they just gave you the boot because they have some holiday season anti-lameness policy in place. Work on that pick up line some more.


  4. Apparently this mall has a policy against telling the saleslady that you’re going to wank off to her.

    In contrast, you can pretty much just whip it out at K-Mart without issue.


  5. where’s the fun in whipping it out if there’s no issue?

    think about it…..



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