It’s hard to go Christmas shopping when you’re banned from the mallDecember 17, 2008
So I’m walking around my local mall, as I am wont to do when I’m shopping. And while I’m walking I’m flagged down by a lovely young lady manning one of those kiosks. Lovely is a bit of a understatement because this girl is smoking hot. She is rocking a tight sweater and that skinny jeans + knee high boots look that just short circuits my mind and makes me highly susceptible to suggestion.
Anyway, she’s looking to sell me some hand lotion, and that provides a lifeline to my logic center because the prospect of spending money always clears my mind, even when confronted with a woman in boots (a woman in just boots… okay, she still has the advantage, but for a good goddamn reason).
“So it’s one bottle for fifteen bucks, but three for thirty-five?” I say.
“Yup,” says the hot woman whose desperate quest for commission sales has led her to believe I need hand lotion.
“Does this stuff come with a photograph of you?” I say. “Because if so, I’d better get the three-pack because I’ll blow right through that one bottle in a single evening.”
Security comes pretty quickly at my local mall, especially since they got those Segways.