It’s hard to go Christmas shopping when you’re banned from the mall

December 17, 2008

So I’m walking around my local mall, as I am wont to do when I’m shopping. And while I’m walking I’m flagged down by a lovely young lady manning one of those kiosks. Lovely is a bit of a understatement because this girl is smoking hot. She is rocking a tight sweater and that skinny jeans + knee high boots look that just short circuits my mind and makes me highly susceptible to suggestion.

Anyway, she’s looking to sell me some hand lotion, and that provides a lifeline to my logic center because the prospect of spending money always clears my mind, even when confronted with a woman in boots (a woman in just boots… okay, she still has the advantage, but for a good goddamn reason).

“So it’s one bottle for fifteen bucks, but three for thirty-five?” I say.

“Yup,” says the hot woman whose desperate quest for commission sales has led her to believe I need hand lotion.

“Does this stuff come with a photograph of you?” I say. “Because if so, I’d better get the three-pack because I’ll blow right through that one bottle in a single evening.”

Security comes pretty quickly at my local mall, especially since they got those Segways.





  1. So what you’re saying is men aren’t allowed to say suggestive remarks anymore to salespeople at the mall? What kind of a culture are we living in? Dammit.

  2. In Canada that would be considered a compliment.

  3. Dude, ya gotta admit that was lame. Maybe they just gave you the boot because they have some holiday season anti-lameness policy in place. Work on that pick up line some more.

  4. Apparently this mall has a policy against telling the saleslady that you’re going to wank off to her.

    In contrast, you can pretty much just whip it out at K-Mart without issue.

  5. where’s the fun in whipping it out if there’s no issue?

    think about it…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: