Secret Identity Secret SantaDecember 18, 2008
“So do superheroes do Christmas shopping?” I ask local superheroes Mercury Shadow and Crimson Paraplegic.
“No way,” says Mercury Shadow. “Superheroes don’t shop.”
“It is way too much trouble for a caped crusader, such as as ourselves, to be floating around a department store,” says Crimson Paraplegic. “Plus, how is it going to look if someone see a superhero waiting in line at JCPenney’s with a bunch of socks and underwear? Not very heroic I would presume.”
“We do all gift buying and exchanges in our normal personas,” says Mercury Shadow. “In fact, Crimson and I went to the mall today to shop for our superhero colleagues.”
“I think you only go shopping with me because you get to park in the handicapped spaced,” says Crimson Paraplegic.
“That and everyone clears out of the way when I’m wheeling you around,” says Mercury Shadow. “Makes walking around the mall easier.”
“Do supervillains do Christmas shopping too?” I ask.
“Well, they steal stuff and then give it to their villainous friends,” says Mercury Shadow. “It’s really disconcerting at times because it screws up our investigation of crimes.”
“Like when the Adultatorium was robbed of all its K-Y jelly, we immediately suspected El Lubrador,” says Crimson Paraplegic, referring to the supervillain with the obsession about everything being slippery and well lubricated. “Instead it turned out it was Scottish Canadian doing his villainous Christmas shopping for his evil friend.”
“So what about the Jewish superheroes and supervillains?” I ask. “What do they do for Hanukkah?”
“Probably the same thing normal people do for Hannukkah,” says Mercury Shadow.
“Yeah, that holiday hasn’t been turned into an excuse for commercial and material excess,” says Crimson Paraplegic.
“Well… the Deady Dreidel seems a bit more active at this time of year,” says Mercury Shadow.
December is a strange month indeed.