The Night Before the Dialysis Machine Broke: Part 2

December 25, 2008

Tag wore a red suit of velvet or felt,
With mistletoe hanging off the front of his belt.
One hand held a tall boy, the other the reins
And he cursed at the hookers and called them by name.

“On Candy, on Trina, Sabrina and Cindy,
On Krystal, Hitomi, Naomi, and Mindy.
From oral to anal to rimjobs galore,
Now dash away, dash away, dash away whores!”

The sight of the hookers pulling Tag Larkin along
Made Vicki and Cathy agree that something was wrong.
To use hookers as reindeer was awfully cruel
So they lowered their blades and forgot about their duel.

Tag Larkin pulled over to greet the two fighters.
Put a cigar in his teeth and pulled out a lighter.
“Tag Larkin brings joy and tidings of good.
And chicks with swords really give Tag Larkin wood.”

Turns out Avonia the Wiccan had loaned him her whores,
To spread the kind of Yuletide you can’t buy in the stores.
How Tag Larkin would do that, no one really knows
So he unzipped his pants, leaving his Larkin exposed.

Vicki’s jaw dropped in stunned surprise,
And Cathy could only cover her eyes.
So Tag Larkin just stood there, flapping in the breeze.
“Put the monster away,” said Vicki. “Pretty, pretty please.”

“My work here is done,” Tag said with a sigh.
He threw down his cigar and zipped up his fly.
He snapped the reins and put the hookers in gear
And opened a fresh tall boy of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

Vicki and Cath watched Tag disappear in the night
And they heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight.
“The next time you’re not in the holiday mood
Tag Larkin will come back, this time in the nude.”

The fighting fire was gone from the ninja and samurai
So they called it a draw and just said goodbye.
And so another Christmas has passed with little bloodshed.
Except for eight unhappy hookers still strapped to a sled.




  1. Hahahaha! Tag, my man! Lol…!

  2. was there a lead hooker? did her nipples blink?

  3. best xmas poem ever

  4. ‘Tis uncanny! A similarly filthy version of this very verse appears in my incredible journals this very week!

    We are like two peas in a fantastically filthy pod.


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