One Year of Finn-on-Samurai Love

December 29, 2008

“I can’t believe Samurai Cathy has dated Mikka for a whole year,” says Ninja Vicki.

“Yeah, who’d have thought Mikka could keep a girl interested in him for that long,” I say.

“No, it’s amazing that Samurai Cathy has kept up this facade for so long,” says Ninja Vicki. “I mean, we’re sworn enemies and all, but to date someone for a full year just to spite me.”

“You really need to accept the fact that Cathy actually likes Mikka,” I say. “They are happy together, and quite frankly the rest of us are happy they’re together too.”

“But I’m not happy,” says Ninja Vicki. “Why does everyone else get to be happy and I don’t?”

“It’s not like you were a paragon of happiness before Mikka and Cathy started dating,” I say.

“Yeah, so before Mikka and Cathy started dating I was only merely downtrodden,” says Ninja Vicki. “Now I’m freakin’ miserable out of my skull.”

“So you’re saying your depression stems from the happiness of others,” I say. “And so conversely your happiness comes from the depression of others.”

“Is that what I’m saying?” says Ninja Vicki.

“Pretty much,” I say. “And it’s not in that charming House M.D. way either.”

“Damn it, I thought I’d escape it…” Ninja Vicki sighs.

“Escape what?” I say.

“The Ninja Social Curse,” says Ninja Vicki. “The Ninja lifestyle is not a social one. Despite our recent positive portrayals in the media, no one is ever happy to see a ninja. It’s usually an omen of certain death. We’re ruthless and efficient killers, and as such are cursed with this sort of reverse interpersonal polarity.”

“No… I think it’s just because you are a messed up person, and has nothing to do with your devotion to ninjitsu,” I say.

“I like my theory better,” says Ninja Vicki. “It costs less than therapy.”

“You could just steal the antidepressants,” I say. “You know, just like how you steal everything else.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know which pills will work best on me,” says Ninja Vicki. “Plus I haven’t figured out how to steal hours of psychotherapy from the psychiatric community.”

“So are you resolving to go to therapy in this new year for your problems?” I say.

“Did I say that?” says Ninja Vicki.

“Yes you did,” I say.

“Shit…” says Ninja Vicki. “I blame Mikka and Samurai Cathy for this.”

mikka smallnote



  1. Sounds like you’re making a pretty good therapist, RF.

  2. maybe ninja vicki could do a trade for some therapy. like in The Wackness?

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