Ending the year like it began… alone

December 31, 2008

“Hey, do you want to come to my New Year’s Eve party?” Tina the Lesbian asks me.

“Is it going to be an all-lesbian affair?” I say.

“Yes it is,” says Tina the Lesbian.

“Well, that would pretty much guarantee I have no one to kiss at midnight,” I say.

“Not like you were going to do that anyway,” says Tina the Lesbian.

“That was rather hurtful,” I say. “Did you resolve to be more of an asshole in ’09 or something?”

“Look, you can either go to a party where you’ll try to get some action, fail miserably, and start the year off on a depressing note,” says Tina the Lesbian, “or you can come to my party where you know right away you’re not getting any action and avoid any disappointment.”

“Will all the lesbians be wearing shoes?” I say.

“That I cannot guarantee,” says Tina the Lesbian.

“Screw it, I’m going to Tag Larkin’s New Year’s party,” I say.

Unfortunately Tag Larkin’s party was held at the cancer ward at the local hospital. Not that Tag Larkin has cancer. He just wants to fight everyone that has cancer because someone once told Tag Larkin that cancer is the most dangerous health problem in America. To which Tag Larkin ardently replied “No, Tag Larkin is the most dangerous health problem in America.” And Tag Larkin always backs up what he says. And while I didn’t get a New Year’s kiss there, I did see Tag Larkin powerbomb a pancreatic cancer patient through an MRI machine. That was pretty cool.





  1. Okay. You got me. I’m gonna be stuck with you and your blog for the year 2009. I’ve got your back and I can do my special “water out the plastic flower” trick on the cancer ward, in the dialysis ward, in the doctor’s faces, for all I’m worth. Can I come too?

  2. Just so you’ll know, I joined fuel my blog just so I could vote for you. I guess I did it right, but my glorious photo isn’t on your fuel area. That’s a GOOD thing though.

  3. powerbombing?


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