Batman didn’t shop at Halloween Adventure for his costumeJanuary 2, 2009
So it’s come to the attention of our local superheroes Mercury Shadow and Crimson Paraplegic that there’s been a noticeable increase in the number of “amateur” superheroes in recent years. And that isn’t sitting well with them.
“The thing about being a superhero is that you need super powers,” says Mercury Shadow. “I control the shadows, Crimson here has super strength and can fly.”
“Batman doesn’t have any powers,” I say.
“Batman is also a billionaire,” says Crimson Paraplegic. “So is Green Arrow and Iron Man. These amateurs are insurance adjusters and retail clerks. They don’t make enough on their salaries to buy the equipment needed to off-set the whole no-superpower liability.”
“Plus Batman is the smartest man on Earth,” says Mercury Shadow. “He can make Superman his bitch.”
“Maybe they’ll take care of the small crimes while you handle the super-villains,” I say.
“If you can’t do something that cops, firefighters, and other emergency personnel can do, you’re not a superhero,” says Crimson Paraplegic. “I lifted a bus by myself yesterday. Can they lift a bus all by themselves? Can they summon a shadowy tentacle from the darkness to ensnare a group of bank robbers like Mercury did last week?”
“Well, at least there are people who want to better their part of the world,” I say. “In their own poorly thought-out way, of course. But it’s something.”
“We’re all for people helping people,” says Mercury Shadow. “But can they please do it without the cape? Aren’t the Guardian Angels always hiring?”
“You must admit, a beret and a red satin baseball jacket aren’t quite as impressive as a cape and mask,” I say.
And so the continuing struggle between superheroes, crime, and regular citizens with an affinity for spandex and capes goes on…