Transparent Government Puts a Lot of People Out of Work

January 12, 2009

It’s been too long since I last talked to Jackal, the NSA agent tapping my phone. So I pick up my phone and wait for him to say something.

“Oh, hey,” says Jackal with a heavy sigh.

“What’s wrong now?” I say. “Did you get a lien put on your house for all those back child support payments you owe?”

“No, it’s just that with Barack Obama becoming president I’m afraid I might lose my job,” says Jackal.

“There will still be phones that need tapping,” I say. “It’s just now a greater percent of them will actually need warrants and probable cause. The government’s never going to stop spying on people, no matter who’s in the White House.”

“They’re going to cut back, I know it,” says Jackal.

“Maybe you’ll just get reassigned to another department,” I say. “What about interrogation? Maybe you can waterboard some people for the country.”

“No, that’s going to get cut back too,” says Jackal. “I am so losing my job when Obama takes office.”

“I think you’ve got a little while before they get around to canning you,” I say. “It’s Washington DC. Nothing happens quickly over there. You’ve got time to work on your resume.”

“I’ve been covertly tapping phones for the NSA for eight years,” says Jackal. “I can’t put that on a resume.”

“You could if you were working for Richard Nixon,” I say.

“But these are different times, man,” says Jackal. “Different times indeed. The economy’s in the shitter. New President coming into office might put me out of a job. Ex-Wife’s getting remarried next month to a diabetic accountant. Where did it all go wrong, man? Where did it all go wrong?”

“”When did it ever go right?” I say.

It’s at this point that Jackal hangs up on me for bumming him out more than he already is. Well sorry Jackal, but I’m not in the business of telling you what you want or need to hear. I’m in the business of saying what I want to hear.





  1. Poor old Jackal! If only covert ops were a growth area (sighs!).

  2. And that is the best business to be in.

  3. but there is a bright spot for Jackal! if the ex- is getting remarried, that means the alimony stops!!

    a (soon to be paying alimony) fellow can dream, can’t he?

  4. Thegnukid is right, its not all bad. I’m sure theirs a private contracter out there somewhere that would be glad to have him.

  5. I wonder if Blackwater had to lay people off…

    Too bad Jackal’s still hoping his wife will take him back and can’t see the end of alimony for the trees. He’s rather hopeless like that.

  6. “alimony for the trees” hahahahaha

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