Yes We Can… Just Not Right Now

January 20, 2009

So… Barack Obama has been the president for about an hour now, and things are still not good here in the United States.

“What the hell, man?” I say to Tina the Lesbian. “Where’s the Hope and Change? Why isn’t everything fixed yet?’

“Dude, even I know there’s not going to be any Hope or Change for a while, if at all,” says Tina the Lesbian.

“But the sign on your lawn said Hope and Change,” I say. “Well, I guess it didn’t necessarily specify when.”

“There’s never been a President that has done everything they wanted to do,” says Tina the Lesbian. “And many times that’s a good thing. So to be a decent President, you just need to get a few important things right, hope the stuff you get wrong doesn’t do much damage, and leave the country better off than when you found it.”

“So being President is more like being a good baseball hitter rather than being a good football quarterback,” I say.

“Huh?” says Tina the Lesbian.

Oh that’s right, lesbians don’t watch baseball and football. They like basketball. And vaginas.

“You’re considered an excellent hitter in baseball if your batting average is over .300,” I say. “So that means you’re successful even if you fail 7 out of 10 times at-bat. Whereas great football quarterbacks usually have to complete over 50 percent of their passes to be considered good. Over 60 percent and you’re awesome, like Joe Montana.”

“So you’re saying if Obama gets 3 out of every 10 things right, he’ll be all right?” says Tina the Lesbian.

“It could be as low as two if they’re really awesome things,” I say. “That’s called being a power hitter. If you’re batting around .250 or lower, you’d better be hitting a lot of big home runs at clutch times to make up for it.”

“Hmm…” Tina the Lesbian muses. “I was prepared to be disappointed many times during the Obama presidency, I just didn’t expect to be disappointed every 7 out of 10 times.”

“Better than having John McCain in office and being disappointed 9 out of 10 times,” I say.

“Or being disappointed 19 out of 20 times every time Bush did anything the past 8 years,” says Tina the Lesbian.

Lesbians understand math very well.





  1. Tina must be very happy to see Hillary in a position of power, being a fellow lesbian and all… so i hear….

  2. I can’t beleive things aren’t fixed yet.

  3. Let’s raise Nixon from the dead shall we?

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