Happy Birth… oh wait, we didn’t go through with thatJanuary 22, 2009
So today is the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the court case that legalized abortion in America, and I’m really hyped about this. But I’m not sure how to properly display my excitement for this momentous occasion. So I hit the streets and I find Samurai Cathy down at the park watching over a playground full of kindergarteners.
“When did you become a teacher?” I say to Samurai Cathy.
“Their teacher paid me fifty bucks to watch over her kids while she gets high in her car,” says Samurai Cathy. “And if I had to deal with these kids every day I’d be smoking up too.”
“Well, when that teacher gets done caucusing with the Green Party, you want to go down to the Planned Parenthood Clinic?” I say.
“But I’m not pregnant,” says Samurai Cathy.
“Who cares? Just get one anyway,” I say. “It’s the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. What better day to exercise your rights over your own reproductive organs, eh?”
“But I have nothing to abort,” says Samurai Cathy.
“You have nothing abort but your chains!” I declare. “Come with me and together we will celebrate the freedom you have over your uterus.”
“You need a hobby or a girlfriend,” says Samurai Cathy. “Preferably both.”
“You think I could find those at the Planned Parenthood clinic?” I say. “Will you be my wingman?”
Samurai will not be your wingman at an abortion clinic. No matter how compelling a case you make.