Nuzzling With Cancer

February 24, 2009

So Marlie heard about the guy in Canada whose cat detected the cancer in his lung by continuing to uncharacteristically nuzzle against his left side, and now she keeps having her husband Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat sit on top of her while she lays down on the couch.

“Ya smell any cansa yet?” Marlie says, holding Bernie on her chest.

“No, can I go now?” says Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat. “I want to go synch up my iTunes and sit in a paper grocery bag for a hour or two.”

“Damn it, Bernie, ya nat leavin’ till ya find me cansa,” Marlie says.

“Maybe you don’t have cancer at all,” says Bernie. “Ever thought of that?”

“I thaght’a felt a lemp in me tit,” Marlie says.

“You’re drunk, you can’t feel shit,” Bernie says.

“But I could still ‘ave canser,” Marlie says. “Keep lookin’.”

So Bernie bops Marlie in the forehead with her paw. “There, I found it.”

“I ain’t got head cansa,” says Marlie.

“Well there’s something wrong with your head if you think I can sniff out whether you have cancer or not,” says Bernie. “Damn it Marlie, I’m a cyborg cat not a CAT scan machine.”

“But yar cheap’r than a damn CAT scan,” says Marlie. “Feckin’ ensharance dedactable… feckin’ co-pay…”

I’m not sure whether this is a sad commentary on the rising costs of our nation’s healthcare system or a sad commentary on Marlie not wanting to cut into her whiskey fund.




  1. Surely he’d have some sort of Bio-scan function… or am I putting to much thought into this.

  2. Does Marlie want to borrow the Gimcrack’s cat?

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