You can skip a few of the 12 steps if you have a grappling hook

March 2, 2009

So Ninja Vicki is still trying to reconcile her need for mental health therapy and her devotion to being a ninja, and this week she got closer to attaining that goal.

“Yeah, I’m going to group therapy,” Ninja Vicki says. “It’s a support group for women who suck at dating. Or at least that’s what I call the group.”

Actually Ninja Vicki is hiding in the ceiling undetected while the group session goes on. Every so often she sneaks down and steals a donut or a brownie or a cup of coffee. She doesn’t contribute to the group, hell we don’t even know if she’s even listening to what goes on during the weekly meetings.

“Look, I need those snacks,” Ninja Vicki says in her defense. “Since this global recession hit, people are buying less and stores are cutting inventory. There’s less stuff for me to steal and I have to take what I can get.”

While I do admire Ninja Vicki’s gumption during these tough economic times, I remind her that she is still not getting the help she needs for her mental well-being, and thus not keeping the New Year’s resolution that I tricked her into making.

“Well, I did try acupuncture to try to lighten up my depression,” says Ninja Vicki. “But when the doctor came near me with that first needle, my ninja instincts caused me to crush his throat.”

At this point I start thinking of having an intervention for Ninja Vicki, but it’s a problematic idea. The major issue being that ninjas are experts at sniffing out traps, and an intervention looks too much like an ambush party waiting to strike. The secondary issue is that I’m not sure I can convince enough people to come out for it. Sure, Tina the Lesbian is Vicki’s best friend, and Avonia would probably come out just to stop Vicki from visiting her at 4am for late night soul-to-soul chats. But Mikka and Samurai Cathy are definitely not coming. And Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat is not allowed to attend interventions on orders from Marlie, lest he gets the idea that interventions are a good idea and decides to have one for his alcoholic Irish wife. And Tag Larkin? Well, Tag Larkin had enough of Vicki’s problems back in September.

vicki smallnote



  1. what about Anonymous Doug?

  2. No one remembers to invite him to such events. Remember his anonymous powers?

  3. Nursemyra told me about this blog. Thanks for the laughs! I’ll be back, and better yet, I’m going to link to your blog later. Thomas :)

  4. Why does no one consider psycho dave when matters of mental health come about, he’s clearly an expert.

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