Crimson Rising: Part TwoMarch 10, 2009
And so Crimson Paraplegic followed the make-shift Crimson Paraplegic handicapped symbol in the sky to the rooftop of a local car dealership, Morgan Freeman’s Discount Dodgeland (where you either get busy buying a new car, or you get busy dying). There waiting by one of the dealership’s giant spotlights she finds a short woman in a Batman-esque suit and cape, except its dark forest green and she’s got a dragon-like helmet on her head instead of a bat-themed one. And where the bat-symbol would be, there’s two gold “D’s” on her chest, one of which is backwards and facing away from the other D.
“Okay, you’re obviously not a supervillain,” Crimson Paraplegic says to the mysterious woman. “So who are you?”
“The name’s Dragon Dyslexic,” says the mystery woman. “And we’ve got a problem mutual.”
“A what?” says Crimson Paraplegic.
“Sorry, my dyslexia screws up my word order sometimes,” says Dragon Dyslexic. “I saw that you down took Doctor Platonic the other night. Stealing microchips… seems a bit out of his league, right?”
“Yeah… yeah it is,” says Crimson Paraplegic. “Why do you know that?”
“Because I’m an expert detective,” says Dragon Dyslexic. “My dyslexia forces me to view the world differently than everyone else, so I can see things that other people can’t. It’s rather helpful considering I don’t have any real superpowers.”
“So you’re like Batman or Green Arrow if they had a learning disorder,” says Crimson Paraplegic.
“And you’re like Superman without functioning legs,” says Dragon Dyslexic. “But we’re getting distracted here from the real issue: someone put Doctor Platonic up to planting that microrob chip. I mean… chipping the micro…shit, you know what I mean.”
“Probably a female supervillain was pulling the Doctor’s strings,” says Crimson Paraplegic. “He’s lonely and easily manipulated by any woman feigning the slightest interest in him.”
“Her name’s Captain Softball,” says Dyslexic Dragon, holding up a surveillance photo of Doctor Platonic talking to a woman with a long ponytail wearing a softball uniform. “She’s a member of my rogues of gallery back in my city, has the power to magically conjure softballs and hurl them at extreme velocities, and as you can see from these pictures is quite a looker.”
“All right, so why don’t you go kick her ass then?” says Crimson Paraplegic. “She’s your archenemy.”
“Because this microchip heist is way out of Captain Softball’s league as well,” says Dragon Dyslexic. “She usually targets colleges that don’t carry enough women’s sports. I think she’s part of a super-villain group. How big this group is, I sure can’t be. Shit… I mean, can’t sure… God damn it.”
“Why not place a call with the Super Six Sorority?” says Crimson Paraplegic. “Get a supergroup to take out a supergroup. Why talk to me about it?”
“Do you think you were the only other superhero with a disability who got rejected for a position in the Sorority Six Super?” says Dragon Dyslexic.
“Yes… I think we’ll keep them out of this,” says Crimson Paraplegic with a smile. “So when do we start snapping some spines for great justice?”
“A dynamic duo’s not going to be able to take down a supergroup that can recruit someone as dangerous as Captain Softball,” says Dragon Dyslexic. “We’re going to need a threesome, and I know just the person to join us.”
“A threesome, eh?” says Crimson Paraplegic. “Well, I hope he’s cute because if I’m going to experiment-”
“Not that kind of threesome,” says Dragon Dyslexic.
To be continued…