Freedom’s just another name for something dumb

April 7, 2009

So it appears as if the building that’s being built where the World Trade Center Towers once stood is not going to be called the Freedom Tower. This has upset a number of people, but the focus group I’ve assembled down at the bar are not among them.

“Like I said before, the lasting legacy of the Bush years is how they irrevocably ruined a good number of words and phrases,” says Ninja Vicki. “And one of those words was ‘freedom.’  Freedom fries, anyone?”

“She’s right, no one uses the word freedom without heavy amounts of irony and sarcasm on top of it,” I say. “Though to be fair, the movie Braveheart started that ball rolling years before, but at least you had to yell it at the top of your lungs for people to get the joke.”

“Why would office drones who are shackled to their cubicles by multi-national conglomerates want to work in a place called the Freedom Tower?” says Tina the Lesbian. “Let’s just call it the Orwell Center and be done with it if that’s going to be the case.”

“I don’t like the argument that calling it the Freedom Tower would make it more of a target for another attack,” says Bernie the Half Cyborg Cat. “That’s because I never bought into the idea that terrorists hate us for our freedom, and thus all vestiges of freedom and liberty will send a radical Islamic adherent into a feral frothing rage.”

“If they’re worried about the new Tower being a terrorist target, they should build like four other ones just like it elsewhere in the city,” says Mikka. “We already know it’s possible for terrorists to hijack two airplanes and fly them into two buildings that are standing right next to each other. But let’s see them hijack four planes and fly it into four tall towers in different parts of Manhattan.  Top that, bitches!”

“I wonder how cheap it’s going to be to rent space at this new World Trade Center,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp. “Considering the current economy and the fact that you’re not going to get a lot of people to work on a floor that will guarantee their deaths in the event of another attack, they might pay you to base your office there. A lot of non-profit orgs could get primo places to work out of.”

“Or they’ll put in some non-traditional businesses on the top floors,” says Anonymous Doug. “I would go to a strip club at the top of the Freedom Tower. Because there’s nothing freer than slipping dollar bills into the g-string of a topless 26-year-old girl with an MBA who can’t find work. That’s America to me.”

A stripper pole at the top of the New York… that makes a lot of sense. We as a nation need to implement this as soon as we can.





  1. strip club, a restaurant that features nothing but pork products, and a mosque on top. hit that, bitches…

    oh, and the next time i cover Janis Joplin’s version of “bobby mcgee”? going to use “freedom’s just another word for something dumb…” and quit right there. walk off the stage. smoke a cigarette and fart.

  2. And scratch your groin before farting too. And also can you also substitute “Ninja Vicki” for “bobby mcgee”?

    “Hey feeling good was good enough for me, hmm-mm
    Good enough for me and Ninja Vicki.”

  3. I think you’ll find most buildings have stripper poles on top of them, a lot of people will tell you they’re flag poles, but we know… we know.

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