Tax LarkinApril 15, 2009
There are three sure things in life: death, taxes and Tag Larkin. And possibly some sort of combination of those things.
It is said that taxes are the price we pay for a civilized society (or at least we think Oliver Wendell Holmes said it). Tag Larkin agrees with that sentiment, which is why he institutes a neighborhood Tag Larkin tax. Now the tax doesn’t necessarily prevent Tag Larkin from doing uncivilized things, like stealing your lunchmeat or punching your car or offering to purchase your daughter for a bag of bologna, but the tax will assuredly make Tag Larkin apologize to you some time after the fact.
You want a tax cut? Tag Larkin will give you a tax cut, right across your face. Right after he deducts his foot from your ass. Did you know you could write off medical expenses? Do you know how much a beating from Tag Larkin could save you in taxes? But don’t ask Tag Larkin for an extension, for Tag Larkin has no need of such things. Just ask the lady who caught Tag Larkin urinating in her kitchen sink.
You don’t need H&R Block or Jackson Hewitt or even that TurboTax program to find out what you owe to Tag Larkin. Tag Larkin will tell you. Possibly by nailing your 1040 form to your chest. Don’t ask where he puts your W-2 form.