There’s a storm gathering… with pigs… and Mexicans

April 29, 2009

“I haven’t seen the Wheatleys in a while,”  I say. 

“Oh, they’re in full lockdown panic mode,” says Tina the Lesbian.  “I don’t think they’ve left the house in a few days.”

“Is it because of that ‘Gathering Storm’ of gay marriage ad?”  I ask. 

“That had them spooked somewhat,” says Tina the Lesbian.  “Even the obvious hilarious parodies that followed had them jumping in fright.” 

I could picture Sean and Lucia Wheatley watching the original, hearing the line “There’s a storm gathering… and I am afraid,” and either Sean or Lucia saying “I am too!”  And then I could see them boarding up their windows to keep the gay marriage storm, or George Takei, from getting them.

“So why haven’t they been by your house to tell you not to use your powers over the sexual orientation of the weather on them?” I ask.

“Two words: Swine Flu,” says Tina the Lesbian.  “Take a disease they never heard of, combine it with Mexico, and you’ve got a fear chimera that scares them worse than gay marriage.”

“Don’t they know swine flu is treatable?”  I say.

“No, because that would require them to be informed citizens instead of the spastic paranoid douchenozzle beartards that they are,” says Tina.  “I’m just worried that this will get resolved quickly.  I’ve been enjoying the peace and quiet.” 

I decide help Tina out by going for the Grand Slam of frightening the Wheatleys by slipping a homemade flyer under their door saying that the cure to the Gay Mexican Swine Flu is aborted fetus pills, which are suppositories that President Obama will personally administer with his black power fist.





  1. I’ll take a suppository from Obama ;-)

  2. I will commit the entire last paragraph to memory, for use at cocktail parties.

  3. I’m obsessed with this now. Thanks, dick. I’ve been watching goddamn parodies for like two hours.

  4. ‘the cure to the Gay Mexican Swine Flu is aborted fetus pills, which are suppositories that President Obama will personally administer with his black power fist.’

    Thats remarkably close to what my doctor told me the cure was… I feel so dirty now…

  5. Here at lobotoblog we are just going to “lean into it” and if that dont work then at least make sure the pork is cooked to a crisp…

  6. Is it safe to come out?

    • It’s never safe! Danger abound! Choose the form of your destroyer!

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