Deadliest Relationship

April 30, 2009

There’s a bit of friction in Samurai Cathy and Mikka’s relationship, and it’s all because of a cable TV show.

SpikeTV has a new program called Deadliest Warrior that pits different types of warriors throughout history against each other through the miracles of forensics and computer simulation programming. And one of the episodes that our happy couple caught was samurai vs. viking.

Being the proud Scandinavian that he is, Mikka was rooting for the viking. Being a samurai, Cathy was rooting for… well, you know who she was rooting for. And in the end the samurai was declared the victor by a slim margin.

“That is bullshit, man!” Mikka declared. “They totally didn’t take berserker rage into account.”

“Rage is nothing against superior technique and weaponry,” says Samurai Cathy.

“Tell that to most of northern Europe,” says Mikka. “We pillaged the shit out those people.”

“So the viking whooped on some armorless farmers who couldn’t hold a pitchfork steady, big flippin’ deal,” says Samurai Cathy. “Like the guy said on the show, the only warrior who could kill a samurai is another samurai.”

“We crossed the damn Atlantic way before Columbus,” Mikka says. “That is a clear display of strength and fortitude and it wasn’t included in those computer simulations.”

“Too bad longboats don’t mean shit on the battlefield,” says Samurai Cathy. “Have fun in Nova Scotia, but don’t come in the samurai’s backyard or we will cut you in half before you can say Valhalla.”

They didn’t talk to each other for a few days, but it was all smoothed over by the next episode of Deadliest Warrior: Ninja vs. Spartan. And the spartan whooped the ninja’s ass, much to Cathy’s delight.

mikka smallnote




  1. And I always have to tell the Vikings, “Remember, Rape, Kill, Pillage and Burn and ALWAYS IN THAT ORDER!”

  2. If a Viking’s wife is deadlier than he is, is that sort of like what the Romans said about the Celts? Ammianus Marcellinus: “…a whole band of foreigners will be unable to cope with one [Gaul] in a fight, if he calls in his wife, stronger than he by far and with flashing eyes; least of all when she swells her neck and gnashes her teeth, and poising her huge white arms, begins to rain blows mingled with kicks, like shots discharged by the twisted cords of a catapult.”

    • That quote should be in my dating profile. “Looking for a woman with flashing eyes who can swell her neck, gnash her teeth and, poising her huge white arms, rain blows mingled with kicks like shots discharged by the twisted cords of a catapult.” Do you think I’d get many takers?

      Also, Cathy and Mikka are just dating. They can’t get married until Mikka is a good enough swordsman to avenge Cathy’s death should she ever be slain by anyone, especially Ninja Vicki. And right now, Mikka sucks at swordfighting.

  3. I’d be a taker

  4. I’m thinking we may have the beginnings of the scariest female gang ever assembled over the Internet.

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