Weird Dreams Are Made of These

May 20, 2009

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“Why the hell do I keep having this dream?” I say.

“It’s thought that dreams like this are indicative of anxiety regarding career or personal advancement,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp, my resident dream analyst. “It’s your fears of trying to ‘graduate to the next level‘ of your life.”

“What about when I have that same dream except I’m naked?” I say.

“Nakedness in a dream is a sign of being caught off-guard or being vulnerable,” says Avonia. “So when those two dreams combine, it must mean that not only do you have these anxieties of moving to the next level of your life, but that you didn’t expect these anxieties either. Or that you’re really scared about this personal graduation.”

“All right, but what about the dreams where I’m having sex with the last woman I happened to see that day?” I say.

“You’re lonely,” says Avonia. “Very, very lonely.”

“Right, but what does the dream mean,” I say. “Oh…right.”

“Could you do me a favor and go see Tina the Lesbian right after this?” says Avonia.  “Just so I’m not the last girl you see.  I’ll make sure the goddess blesses you if you do that for me, thanks.”

I think I need to go back to drinking heavily enough to forget what my dreams are.

avonia smallnote




  1. Can I be the last girl you see today?

    • I always check in on the Gimcrack before I go to bed.

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