Wiccans already have the robes for it

June 1, 2009

I ran into Avonia the Wiccan Pimp the other day and we got to discussing President Obama’s nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court.  Surprisingly the conversation didn’t touch on the fact that Sotomayor would be the first Hispanic on the Supreme Court. 

“If she gets in, that would be six Catholics on the highest court in the land,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp. 

“Not bad considering the Protestant bent of America,” I say.  “Quite an accomplishment actually, considering when JFK ran for President people thought he’d be taking orders directly from the Pope.”

“So that just means people don’t listen to the Pope,” says Avonia.  “My issue is why can’t a Wiccan be on the highest court of the land?”

“Are there Wiccans in the judiciary?”  I say.  “Hell, are there any other judges in America who aren’t Catholic, Protestant, or Jewish?”

“There’s Wiccan lawyers, I’m sure,” says Avonia.  “But no Wiccan judges.   Local, county, state, federal… none.”

“I never hear about atheist judges either,” I say.  “And atheists are a growing percentage of the population too.”

“I think that’s the next level in regards to diversity,” says Avonia.  “Getting Muslims, Hindus, Wiccans, and atheists in influential positions, like judges or congressmen.”

“There’s that one Muslim congressman from Minnesota,”  I say.  “And he’s already had his allegiances to our country questioned on cable news.  Using that as a base, I think it’s safe to say that if a Wiccan becomes a senator we should expect someone on FOX News at some point to accuse them of sacrificing children or being a puppet of the devil.”

“As bad as Wiccans have it, I shudder to think of what will be said if an atheist ever gets nominated to the Supreme Court,” says Avonia.  “The goddess knows no one likes you guys.”

“If it shatters the fragile reality of the Screaming and Crying Head on the Radio and gives him a stroke, I’m cool with whatever abuse comes our way,”  I say.  

“I don’t know if just being an athiest Supreme Court Justice would invoke the spite-fueled stroke you desire,” says Avonia.  “I mean, electing a black president named Barack Obama didn’t do it.”

“You’re right,” I say.  “We’d need a lesbian Iranian atheist who is gay married to a Wiccan abortion doctor.”

“I think the Wiccan abortion doctor part might be overkill,” says Avonia.

“There’s no such thing as overkill when you’re trying to induce a stroke,” I say.  

 If there’s nothing else you get from this post, let that be it.

avonia smallnote




  1. avonia for judge. i’m liking this…

  2. “lesbian Iranian atheist who is gay married to a Wiccan abortion doctor”

    ….. HOT!

  3. Well, they’re already taking out after abortion doctors with firearms, sad to say, in church yet. You can’t get more surreal than the news.

  4. I think that from now on, I’m going to make everything “gay married.” So like, when my roommate says, “I know I shouldn’t say this, but I love Twister,” I can be all, “Oh yeah? Well why don’t you get gay married to it?” Because no one should love Twister.

  5. I think the biggest obstacle to getting a Pagan of any stripe into high office would be the sexual paranoia of America at large.

    We make a big deal out of flaunting mainstream sexual conventions and that gets the old white guys’ undies in a bunch.

    • Yeah, try explaining the concept of a-Maying to the American electorate.

  6. ‘Wiccan’ abortion doctor… did you really need that extra qualfier…

    Umm, don’t tell Avonia I said that.

  7. One of my husbands was gay. And a very good judge too – he married me after all ;-)

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