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You Got Leaf Shield and Bad Fashion Sense

June 4, 2009

There are many things I don’t understand. Like Crocs, or toe rings, or why people wear flip-flops with jeans. But I do understand why women wear UGG boots. They are really into Mega Man.

megaman

This is Mega Man. For the benefit of those who aren’t as socially-stunted as me, or who are over 40 and didn’t live with a Nintendo permanently wired into their cerebral cortex, Mega Man is the protagonist of a long series of video games bearing his name going back to 1987. He’s a robot who fights other robots of differing traits like Ice Man or Magnet Man or Quick Man (there’s a Hard Man in Mega Man 3, but he’s not at all what you’d think he is).  After defeating a robot he  then takes their special weapon to use on other robots until they’re all dead and all that’s left is the main antagonist Dr. Wily and his giant skull castle of robotic villany. Stuff blows up, justice is served, and gamers then wait for the next game and subsquent new batch of robots to blow up.

Now that you know his back story look at his feet. Very Ugg-like, right? The defense rests.

Yes, the Aussies have had Ugg’s years before the first Mega Man came out, but they only became big in America in this recent decade (the aughts? the double-zeroes?). And as we all know nothing is relevant until America gets ahold of it and swallows it in its all-consuming gaping maw. And clearly the American assimilation of Ugg’s combined with nostaglia for Mega Man and thus an unfortunate fashion fad was born.

I like my explanation better than the alternative: that women wear them because they think they look flattering. Because they’re not. No way has the phrase “You know what would round that outfit out nicely? A pair of Uggs.” been uttered unironically or without sarcasm.

There’s always the comfort excuse, but then again that’s the excuse people have for wearing Crocs. So if you really want to lump your precious Uggs into the same ugly boat as Crocs, go ahead. Or you can piggyback on my Mega Man theory and save yourself a lot of indignity.

I’m still working out the kinks in my theory regarding furry boots and women’s secret love of Chewbacca. That I can understand more than the desire for toe cleavage. Seriously, what’s that supposed to do?

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6 comments

  1. don’t own uggs or crocs… but i am guilty of sandals with jeans. i like to leave my toes free! those of us gifted with ‘monkey toes’ find shoes too constraining…


  2. Ah, RF, you do not know what can be done with prehensile toes….


    • I’m more interested in a girl with a prehensile tail. Now that’s special.


  3. I don’t know what Uggs are but I could play the shit out of some Mega-Man.


  4. Uggs are dumb. Maybe they would make sense if you were an eskimo, or a hairless bear or something.


    • Yeah, they make sense in a ski lodge or some sort of winter chalet. They make little sense elsewhere, unless you’re really into Mega Man.



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