Keeping the Fire Alive

June 17, 2009

Mikka and Samurai Cathy have been dating for about a year and a half.  But while they adore each other, they do admit things have been getting a bit stale in the relationship.  So I  asked one of our married friends to make a few suggestions.

“Perhaps a romantic getaway is required,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp, whose marriage to her husband Arawn is now in its ninth year.  “A vacation from the world, if only for a weekend.”

“There’s an issue of money,” says Mikka.  “They cut our hours at the wonton soup factory, and Cathy’s ronin-for-hire business has really been suffering during this recession.”

“I’m not saying take her to Paris,” Avonia says.  “Just take her somewhere that’s not here.  You’d be surprised what a change in scenery will do.”

“Most places won’t let Cathy bring her sword in with her,” Mikka says.  “And the only way you’re separating Cathy from her sword is by killing her.” 

“Okay… what about a threesome?”  Avonia says.  “That should provide a little kick to things.”

“But who would we get to join us?”  says Mikka.  “We’re not trolling Craigslist for strangers.  Forget that.”

“Tina the Lesbian could be game for a threesome,” I say.  “Or maybe you can tell Ninja Vicki that she and Cathy could end their blood feud with some hot menage-a-trois action.  Or mabye Tina and Vicki can get it on while I just watch… oh, wait… I wasn’t supposed to say that part out loud.  The court instructs you to disregard this whole paragraph.”

“Um, Mikka, you’re forgetting what I do for a living,” Avonia the Wiccan Pimp says.  “Providing an experienced third party to couples looking for threesomes is a big part of my business.  And I’ll give you a Friends of the Goddess discount too.”

“Hey, why have you never given me a discount?”  I say.

“Because you’re creepy,” says Avonia. 

“You got me there,” I say.

“I don’t think Cathy’s going to be into a threesome with a prostitute,” Mikka says. 

“I’ll make sure you get one who has all her teeth and isn’t sporting track marks or cutting scars,” says Avonia.

“No, it’s not that,” says Mikka.

“You think she wants a dude?”  I say.  “Because you can get Tag Larkin for a threesome real easy.  With one phone call he can be at your place with a copy of Prince’s Purple Rain and a jug of tequila in under an hour.”

“No, I don’t think Cathy is into a threesome with anyone,” says Mikka.  “Her samurai code says that there is honor in loyalty.  And she’s told me if she cheats on me she’ll commit seppuku.”

“Threesomes aren’t cheating,” says Avonia. 

“Bushido has no loopholes,” says Mikka.

“I guess I could summon the spirits to enhance your love life,” Avonia says. 

“Magic doesn’t sit well with Cathy,”  says Mikka.  “After many battles with magicians and wizards, she’s developed a high distrust of any sort of sorcery or magic.”

“Well, if this issue can’t be solved with witchcraft or whores, I’m out of ideas,” says Avonia.  “Except maybe telling Cathy to get the stick out of her ass.  But don’t tell her I said that.  I like my intestines to stay on the inside of my body, thank you very much.”

Looks like we have to go to Plan B…

To be continued…

mikka smallnote




  1. one of my favorite games when i’m tired of a particular man to keep things fresh is “i’m going to a bar, in costume as someone else. you need to find me and pick me up”.

    it’s even more fun when i don’t show up. i use that on the men i’m really done with…

  2. that was a quick leap from “holiday” to “threesome”

    and daisyfae is evil

    • Yeah, it was quick. Then again Avonia needs to get some sales.

  3. they’ve probably already had a threesome with anonymous doug. I say “holiday” is a better idea

  4. What if Mikka decided to take on the role of Master, and start acting like an ancient Japanese feudal lord? Or would that seriously screw with her honor code?

    Decisions, decisions.

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