I kept my promise – except that one to my wife and to the Lord – don’t keep your distance

July 6, 2009

We’re back from our little week-long respite, and contrary to popular rumors that I started I was not down in Argentina banging some woman like I’m the governor of South Carolina.  I mean, that would have been really awesome, putting the gubernatorial spurs to a hot South American chick who’s not my wife or the mother of my children, but that’s not what I was doing.

(side note: Hey Mark Sanford, how about cheating on your wife like John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, and John Ensign did: Fuck American!  It doesn’t do our economy any good if you spend your dirty mistress money for motel rooms, bondage gear, and goat masks down in Argentina.)

Now I don’t know any Argentinian women, personally or in public.  No, scratch that, there’s Evita Peron but she’s dead and I don’t care for musicals.  So I have no gauge on the hotness of Argentine women like I do for Columbia (Shakira) or Australia (Kylie Minogue) or New Zealand (Lucy Lawless and Nursemyra).  But based on this Sanford experience, I wouldn’t be surprised if Argentine women provide some competition there.

Maybe Argentina is a land of untapped hotness.  Brazil gets all the attention when it comes to hotness in South America, seeing how they have a bikini wax named after them.  And while Buenos Aires may be a great city in its own right, it’s no Rio de Janeiro  I make this claim based on three subjective points: 1) the movie’s called Blame It on Rio, not Blame It on Buenos Aires; 2) Duran Duran’s album and self-titled hit song was called “Rio” not “Bueno;”  and 3)my spotty memories of watching game shows as a child telling that the reaction for prize trips to Rio de Janeiro were much louder and more excited than for Buenos Aires.  But that just means Argentina’s hotness just hasn’t been discovered yet by a larger audience yet.

I can see brochures touting Argentina as a land of women so hot that you’ll disappear off the face of the Earth for a week and throw away your marriage and political career for them.  This is also the same reason I want to find the hookers that former New York governor Eliot Spitzer banged, because they had to have been smoking hot for him to ruin his life over them.

That’s what I’d like Argentina to be known for.  It sure beats being known as the land where Nazis went to hide after World War II, or for that whole Falkland Islands mess.  Hot chicks tend to make you forget stuff like that.





  1. “We’re back”?

    Who is We?

    • He’s been off traveling with Tina, Bernie, Tag and all.

  2. And Anonymous Doug but nobody remembers traveling with him.

  3. It’s the Royal We. RF is like a sad, glorious little king that no one will listen to. Maybe it’s because of the creepy thing that he keeps mentioning.

    S’okay. I still like you.

    • But who else than a sad glorious little king would run a place like this?

  4. Don’t forget the cocaine, they also have awesome cocaine!

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