Renal Restraint OrderJuly 10, 2009
We’re skipping Haiku Friday this week to provide the first-ever get well card/legal motion…
Dear Da Old Man of Crotchedy Old Man Yells At Cars,
This admission represents a severe encroachment on our intellectual property and copyrights, as well as possible confusion in the market place that could cause irreparable harm to our brand.
By the authority of Brigid, the pagan goddess of fire, ice, and trademark law, we request that you immediately cease and desist being in renal failure. May we suggest yelling at your kidneys to function properly. Tag Larkin once saved a heart attack victim by hollering profanities at him, and possibly tasering him repeatedly. That last part is still disputed.
Failure to comply with this cease and desist order will result in a more sternly-worded missive, and possibly a ninja visiting you in the night to switch your hospital charts with the pre-op transsexual down the hall.
Please do not die. It will just drive your legal costs up because we retain the services of Avonia the Wiccan Pimp who can commune with the dead, thus allowing us to bring the recently departed to trial.
We await your full recovery so that you can stop defaming our good name.