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Tag Larkin vs. the Moon

July 21, 2009

Yesterday was the 40th anniversary of man first walking on the moon.  And while others spent the day fondly remembering the joy of space travel and reveling in the nostalgia of America winning the space race, one man took a different view of this historical event.  That man is Tag Larkin… and he wants to fight the moon.

Tag Larkin looks up into the sky every night and sees the moon looking down on him, and that just pisses him right the fuck off.  No one looks down on Tag Larkin.  Not without getting punched.  Fucking condescending celestial body…

Tag Larkin is going to fight the moon.

Sure, people have walked on the moon, but no one’s fought the moon.  Neil Armstrong didn’t fight the moon.  Buzz Aldrin didn’t fight the moon.  Neither did Mike Tyson or Bas Rutten or Sylvester Stallone.  So as far as Tag Larkin is concerned the moon is undefeated, just like Tag Larkin is.  And Tag Larkin has grown tired of the pathetic opponents the Earth has to offer so…

Tag Larkin is going to fight the moon.

But Tag Larkin is not going to fuck the moon.  Something already fucked the moon.  Something big.  Look at those craters.  Tag Larkin will not accept lunar sloppy seconds, and is insulted that the moon would think he would.  What kind of person does the moon think Tag Larkin is?

Tag Larkin is going to fight the moon.

America deserves a new challenge for this new millennium, and beating up the moon should be high up on that list.  That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for Tag Larkin, and one gigantic ass-kicking coming the moon’s way.

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4 comments

  1. If one celestial body deserves it… its definitely the moon.


  2. “lunar sloppy seconds”? that’s hilarious


  3. I totally thought he was going to hate-fuck the moon, and then you crushed my dreams.


    • Tag Larkin adheres to no one’s expectations. Not even his own.



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