Love Isn’t Always on Time Because It Doesn’t Own a WatchAugust 20, 2009
With the Tag Larkin option off the table, Ninja Vicki is facing some dire prospects regarding the “Tina the Lesbian likes Samurai Cathy” situation. Every idea she comes up with solves one problem but creates ten more.
“Maybe I really should kill Samurai Cathy,” Ninja Vicki says to herself in a brainstorming session at her house. “No… no… the right choice is never the choice you like best…”
As Ninja Vicki crosses that idea out of her notebook for the fifth time, her cell phone rings and the number on the ID screen is Tina’s.
“Um, Vicki, could you come over to my house please?” says Tina the Lesbian. “We have to talk.”
And so Ninja Vicki runs on over and finds Tag Larkin standing on Tina’s lawn holding his boombox over his head with Iron Maiden blasting out of the speakers. Also standing on the sidewalk is Anonymous Doug with a gothic teenage girl by his side. Tina is standing on her front porch with her arms crossed and an exasperated look on her face.
“Vicki, do you know why Tag Larkin is trying to serenade me with Run To The Hills?” Tina the Lesbian says to Ninja Vicki. “Also, do you know why Anonymous Doug has brought a 17-year old girl named Jillian to my house?”
“Uh… did you ask them?” says Ninja Vicki says.
“Doug says Jillian is the daughter of the woman he’s currently banging and that she’s looking to experiment,” says Tina the Lesbian. “And Tag Larkin just points to his crotch. My question is why both of them are here offering me these things?”
“Well… I sort of told them you liked Samurai Cathy,” Ninja Vicki sheepishly said.
Tina the Lesbian throws her hands in the air. “I told you not to tell anyone!”
“I did it to help you,” says Ninja Vicki. “Listen, I’ve spent this whole week trying to figure out how to have your little infatuation with another man’s woman not ruin everyone’s friendships, and I needed some assistance.”
“So you turned to Tag Larkin and Anonymous Doug?” Tina says. “Is having them court me part of your grand scheme too?”
“No, I have no idea-,” says Ninja Vicki, suddenly turning to Tag Larkin and Anonymous Doug. “Damn it, why the hell are you guys here?”
“Tag Larkin goes where the love is,” says Tag Larkin.
“Because we figured if one of us could take Tina’s mind off Cathy then your Cathy problem would be solved,” says Anonymous Doug.
“This isn’t Vicki’s problem, it’s mine,” says Tina the Lesbian, who then points an angry finger at Ninja Vicki. “And you had no right involving anyone in this.”
“Well excuse me for not wanting my best friend to be a fucking pariah because she has the hots for another man’s woman,” says Ninja Vicki. “That’s what all this is about.”
“No, this is about you being pissed off that I’m friendly with someone you hate,” says Tina the Lesbian. “You hate Samurai Cathy more than you like me.”
Tina the Lesbian storms back inside her house and slams the door, leaving Ninja Vicki on the porch, and Anonymous Doug and Tag Larkin on the lawn.
“Fuck me… I fucked this shit up big time…” Ninja Vicki heavily sighs as she leaves Tina’s property. But Tag Larkin stays where he is and puts on some Slayer on his boombox, because in the face of adversity Tag Larkin doubles his efforts.