Do I have enough charisma points? Part One

August 25, 2009

This piece on “How to Meet and Woo a Nerdy Girl” was brought to my attention by a friend of mine who isn’t a ninja, samurai, half-cyborg cat, Wiccan pimp, Finnish guy, lesbian, or Tag Larkin.  So I put these 11 tips before a few of my friends that happen to be one of those aforementioned things to see where I stand in my chances of meeting and wooing a nerdy girl.

“Tip #1 says nerdy girls like places with lots of books,” says Tina the Lesbian. “And possibly micro-brewery beers.”

“Great, I’m a beer snob!” I say. “And I know where bookstores and libraries are located.”

“But Tip #3 says you have to have read lots of books,” says Ninja Vicki. “And be knowledgeable about all the stuff you’ve read too.”

“Shit!”  I say. As much as I have tried reading more in recent years, I’m not what you call an avid reader.  “Can I overcome that by saying I’m a connoisseur of film?”

“Just as long as you don’t mention you’re a connoisseur in the vein of Quentin Tarantino,” says Mikka. “You’re not going to win any points with a nerdy girl talking up your Takashi Miike or 1970’s Japanese sexploitation collections.”

“Tip #2 says it helps to look like David Tennant from Doctor Who,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp. “Or John Hodgman from The Daily Show.”

“That’s a big negative on both counts,” I say. “I’m actually in pretty good athletic shape. Does my Tom Cruise-like jawline help or hurt me here?”

“Probably hurts you,” says Ninja Vicki.

“Shit, we’re one-for-three so far,” I say. “What’s Tip #4?”

“Don’t slack off on your video game skills,” says Mikka. “And the Force is strong with you in that arena.”

“Unless it’s Rock Band or Guitar Hero or DanceDance Revolution,” I say. “My lack of rhythm hurts me in those games.  But if we keep it to games requiring regular controllers, I can handle it.”

“Maybe you can pass off your lack of book reading by saying you spent all that time playing video games,” says Tina the Lesbian. “Which I highly assume is the truth anyway.”

“So I have to rock twice as hard in video games to make up for my thin reading agenda,” I say. “I can do that.”

“Tip #5 is listening to NPR,” says Ninja Vicki. “Do you do that?”

“No, I have an iPod,” I say. “I have no need to listen to the radio when I’ve got 16 gigs of music I actually like in my hand.  NPR’s not playing any Nightwish or Dragonforce.  Amy Goodman’s not down with the Wu-Tang Clan.”

“Maybe you can pass by just being aware of stuff that was on NPR,” says Tina the Lesbian. “You’re on the Internet all day anyway. Odds are, in between kitten videos, the stuff you find online will intersect with something on NPR eventually.”

“So I’m good on Tips 1 and 4,” I say. “I’m weak on Tips 2 and 3, and I might be able to circumvent Tip 5. So my chances of scoring a nerdy girl are currently between 40 and 60 percent.”

“Considering your usual luck with women, that ain’t too shabby,” says Mikka. “Let’s see how that holds up against Tips 6 through 11…”

To be continued…

mikka smallnote




  1. amy goodman was the cream in a sandwich between ODB and david sedaris… NPR bitches like it nasty.

  2. It also helps to attend science fiction conventions with a history of fantastic misbehavior on the part of the attendees.

    BTW, Dragon*Con is only a week and a half away.

  3. I read enough for both of us…….

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