Do I have enough charisma points? Part Two

August 26, 2009

We’re finishing off the list of ways to woo a nerdy girl today.  So far, my chances are good.

“Tip #6 says to be interesting,” says Tina the Lesbian.

“I regularly drink with a half-cyborg cat who is married to a red-haired Irish woman,” I say.  “If I was anymore interesting I’d be beating that guy from the Dos Equis commercials to death with my Nobel Peace Prize.”

“We’ll put that down as a ‘yes’ then,” says Tina the Lesbian.

“And that also takes care of Tip #7: Know Your Pop Culture References,” says Ninja Vicki.

“This one might be problematic,” says Mikka. “Tip #8: Compliment her by saying, “You remind me so much of Liz Lemon.”

“Who the shit is Liz Lemon?” I say.

“Tina Fey’s character on 30 Rock,” says Tina the Lesbian.

“I don’t much care for Tina Fey,” I say. “Really. I don’t see why people lick her ass so much. She wasn’t that funny on Saturday Night Live. Her Weekend Update stint was weak. She’s supposed to be the funniest woman in America? Bullshit. Maria Bamford shits on Tina Fey!  And Carol Burnett pisses on her for good measure.”

“Okay… Tip #8 is a no-go then,” says Mikka. “How about Tip #9? Embrace her collectibles.”

“That’s doable,” I say. “Do you think she’ll embrace my collection of refrigerated jars of sperm in my basement?”

“Not until after you book the hall for your wedding reception,” says Ninja Vicki. “Tip #10 says you’ll have to go to conventions with her.”

“Not a problem either,” I say.  “Three words: hot cosplay girls.  Aw yeah.”

“And Tip #11 is know what to do in case of a zombie attack,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp.

“Dude, we war-gamed that scenario last Halloween,” I say. “Who else do you know who has war-gamed a zombie outbreak for fun?”

“All right, well the good news is the chances are good you can score a nerdy chick,” says Ninja Vicki, going over my results.

“Your dislike of Tina Fey, most things by Joss Whedon, and the new BattleStar Galactica because they made the cylons look human may hinder your chances,” says Mikka, “but you’ve got enough nerd cred to still be favored to have things turn out in your favor.”

“Just don’t confuse nerdy girls with hipster girls,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp. “They’ll both be wearing glasses, but the hipster will not get your Farscape references.”

“Now get out there and make us proud so we can stop being afraid that your loneliness is going to  make you shoot up an aerobics class,” says Tina the Lesbian.

“Wait, I have to leave the house for this?” I say. “Ah dog balls… there’s always a damn catch.”

And the nerdy girls of the world let out a sigh of relief…

avonia smallnote




  1. nerdy girls put out. ummmm…. so i’m told…

    • They most certainly do, and it’s awesome.

  2. I’m a nerd and I’ve barely left the house since 2007. Unless you count Spain and Singapore

  3. How can you not fall in love will all things Joss Whedon?

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