I Can’t Get Off On This Private Health Insurance

September 14, 2009

In the aftermath of President Obama’s speech on health care last week, there was a column by NBC’s Chuck Todd that got our attention in which he refers liberals’ “public option fetish.” 

Now I’d like to think I’m rather open-minded when it comes to getting kinky, but I’m not familiar with someone getting off to the idea of universal healthcare.  But luckily I just happen to be sitting next to an expert on the subject matter.

“I’m not sure I’d put government-run healthcare in the same category as bondage, feet, spankings, and furries,” says Anonymous Doug. 

“So it’s not just me who can’t figure out how universal health care would get someone aroused?”  I say.  “I mean, I can see how guns and slavish devotion to the military industrial complex can get those carnal juices flowing.  Bullets and bombs and dominant men in uniform will do that.  But I just don’t see anything in universal health care that would get it up for me, except maybe if they hand out Viagra but that’s not endemic to public healthcare.”

“Hell, the national anthem is pretty much a metaphor for maintaining an erection through a wild night,” says Anonymous Doug.  “If flags aren’t phallic, then why do we raise them  up at the end of long poles for everyone to see?”

“Is there a pubic option we’re not aware of?”  I say.  “Like the option to be completely shaved down there or have that 70’s porn muff?  Because some like the shrubbery thick and others prefer the wood floor.  Or would the government hand out free stencils if you wanted a diamond or a lightning bolt?”

“Public health care would be a real boring fetish,” says Anonymous Doug.  “Too many people are into it already.  Most of Europe’s got it.  Those socialists in Israel have it.  Hell, if public health care is a fetish then it’s most normal one that Japan has.”

“So can I say that Chuck Todd is a malodorous fuckwit for equating support for a public option for healthcare with that Baptist minister who asphyxiated after hogtying himself while wearing two wet suits and rubber mask and shoving a condom-sheathed dildo up his ass?”

“Now that’s a fetish!”  says Anonymous Doug.  “And yes, that Chuck guy is a fuckwit.”

Anonymous Doug knows his fetishes and his fuckwits. 





  1. i’m so paranoid that i’ve got a ‘doomsday response’ friend, with a key to my place, to remove all of the stuff i wouldn’t want my kids to have to sort through if i end up getting hit by a bus some day…

    • The friend cleaning out my apartment is already intimate with all my gadgets. Saves worry.

      I dunno though, I think it might turn me on to think that people might actually be able to get healthcare without filing for bankruptcy.

  2. I think the fetish is with the bandages and playing nurse.

  3. I like my porn to involve administrative nurses, its the paperwork…

  4. Here I am!!

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