Pancreatic Cancer Don’t Hurt… Wait, Yes It Does. A Lot.

September 15, 2009

With Patrick Swayze’s death we decided to have a Renal poll about what our favorite Swayze movie is.

“Ghost,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp.  “I wanted to become a spiritual medium because of that movie, just so I could talk to attractive dead men all day.”

“Dirty Dancing,” says Tina the Lesbian.  “But that was because I had a thing for Jennifer Grey and I wanted to be the one to say “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.'”

I thought her favorite would have been “To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar” but Tina says she liked that movie the first time she saw it when it was called “The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert.”  That and Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce, and Terence Stamp were a better drag trio than Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo.

“Point Break,” says Anonymous Doug.  “Swayze, Keanu Reeves, and Gary Busey in a movie about skydiving surfer bank robbers… they don’t make movies like that anymore.  100 percent pure adrenaline.”

So obviously Youngblood starring Swayze, Keanu, and Rob Lowe was not 100 percent pure adrenaline.  Perhaps only 80 percent.

“Red Dawn,” says Bernie the Half Cyborg Cat.  “Just because I love yelling ‘Wolverines!’ at inappropriate times.  Like during funerals or Schindler’s List.”

“Swayze was the motivational speaker/child pornographer in Donnie Darko, right?”  says Ninja Vicki.  “That was pretty cool.  Then he had that song She’s Like the Wind… that wasn’t as cool.”

“Road House,” says Mikka.  “There is nothing in that movie that isn’t awesome.”

“I like Road House too,” says Samurai Cathy.  “The story of a ronin-for-hire defending the honky-tonk bar of his master against a rival warlord while living according to a disciplined warrior’s philosophy.  I really felt a connection with this movie.  I didn’t think I could do that with a movie from the 80’s.”

Now this gets Tina the Lesbian to thinking.  You may remember that Tina has a sort-of secret crush on Samurai Cathy, who is currently dating Mikka.  But Tina’s not sure that Cathy swings like that and it’s hard to get Cathy alone to test if she has similar feelings. However, Ms. the Lesbian is armed with two pieces of important information: 1) Cathy shares an affinity for the movie Road House, and 2) Cathy is currently unemployed.

“Hey Cath,” says Tina the Lesbian.  “Would you be interested in being a bouncer down at ClamLappers?”

And that’s how Samurai Cathy became the bouncer at a lesbian bar.





  1. patrick swayze is still working that romantic magic from the great beyond…

  2. Point Break. Easily.


  4. Rob Lowe will always lose you 20%

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