This Party Is Dead Sexy

October 22, 2009

Regular Renal Readers may recall our rock-solid Halloween costume advice that we’ve given in previous year (women can just be sexy versions of occupations and when in doubt go as a zombie version of a celebrity).  If not, well, now you know.

This year Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat and Marlie are throwing a Halloween party that implements both these pieces of costuming advice.  All the women have to come as a sexy profession, and all the men have to come as a celebrity who died this year.  But to make sure everyone doesn’t show up as Zombie Patrick Swayze or Michael Jackson, you have to pull a name from a hat.  The same with the women, or else they’d all come as Nursemyra.

Mikka wanted either Billy Mays or David Carradine but he got the recently-deceased Captain Lou Albano, which he was fine with because of his affinity for professional wrestling.  Plus Captain Lou sort of looked like he crawled out a grave most of the time anyway so the costume’s easy.

Anonymous Doug pulled Ted Kennedy out of the hat, thus giving Anonymous Doug the rare Kennedy trifecta on Halloween.  A few years ago he showed up at a party as post-assassination JFK.  Next year he showed up as post-assassination RFK, which was sort of the same costume except the gunshot was in a different spot.  It’s not confirmed on whether he ever showed up at a party as Rosemary, the Kennedy that had the lobotomy.

I was hoping to get Ricardo Montulban, but ended up with Farrah Fawcett.

As for the ladies, Ninja Vicki picked “sexy mechanic,” which she will interpret as “sexy mechanic with a sword.”  So will Samurai Cathy with her  “sexy patent attorney” costume.  These two never go anywhere unarmed.

Avonia was a bit confused at first when she pulled  “sexy Ghostbuster”   out of the hat until I told her that a sexy Ghostbuster is just like a regular Ghostbuster except with a lot more cleavage and thigh-boots.  And Avonia has both of those things.

Tina the Lesbian argued that it was demaning and objectifying for the women to have to dress sexy while the men got to be zombie celebrities.  So Bernie let her pick out of the zombie hat and through some stroke of luck she pulled Zombie Bea Arthur.

Bernie pulled zombie Walter Cronkite, which means he’ll just be getting drunk behind a tiny kitty desk and reporting on everything as it happens at the party.  His wife Marlie pulled “sexy crack whore.”  We didn’t know that crack whore was an occupation, but if it’s in the hat who are we to argue.

And though Tag Larkin wasn’t invited, Tag Larkin will show up anyway dressed like he always is for Halloween: as Tag Larkin wearing a hat.  What hatwill it be this year?  A top hat?  A fez?  A World War I German helmet?  Only Tag Larkin knows for sure.





  1. if you’ve got all those zombie dead celebrities in the room, you absolutely have to make a “farewell” video… like the ones the news folks put on during the last week in december. some cheesy music, and slow motion video of them drinking at the halloween party would work…

  2. any costume is good if it’s zombie-fied.

    sounds like quite the throw down. get your sexy on!

  3. I’d like to see Tad Larkin in a pith helmet

  4. Pith helmet hell. I want to see him in a big, velvet cartwheel hat with a net veil and a fake feather.

  5. I didn’t mean on his head sledpress….. :-)

  6. What a party this will be! I would like to see the video please.

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