The active ingredient in my apricot scrub is hateful ignoranceNovember 2, 2009
A friend of ours found this story about a regional manager at a Bath and Body Works allegedly firing an employee because said employee was a pagan. The money quote from the article was allegedly said by the regional manager: “I will be damned if I have a devil-worshipper on my team.”
So I took the time out of my busy day of scouring the Internet for MP3’s of obscure 80’s power band Feather Healer to ask Avonia the Wiccan Pimp whether there will be a Wiccan boycott of Bath and Body Works.
“I don’t shop there anyway,” says Avonia. “I get my body scrub and shampoos and scented candles and oils from my own shop.” Her shop being Wic-Mart, which doesn’t do well financially – hence the pimping.
“So? Boycott them anyway,” I say. “Wiccans need to boycott something to let people know they mean business. Like how Southern Baptists boycotted Disney.”
“Yeah… they really put the spurs to Disney there,” Avonia sarcastically says. “You could hear ol’ Walt sobbing his frozen eyes out over it.”
“It doesn’t matter if the boycott works or fails miserably,” I say. “All it is a showing of force, a sign that your group can rally together and organize against someone who you don’t like.”
“But I don’t even know if firing devil-worshippers is company policy at Bath and Body Works,” says Avonia. “This could just be an isolated incident.”
“Tempered and well-reasoned arguments are useless!” I say. “Hysterical overreaction is the only way to effectively express yourself. Accusations must be made! Characters and reputations must be maligned and tarnished! Tangential associations must be woven into a devious tapestry of evil collusions! And all of these things must be done regardless of validity or coherency.”
“These don’t sound like things that mesh well with my Wiccan beliefs,” says Avonia.
“Then let me pose this scenario to you,” I say. “Say it wasn’t a Wiccan getting shit-canned at a Bath and Body Works for their faith. Let’s say it was a Catholic getting shit-canned for their faith. You don’t think the cable news networks wouldn’t be flooded by Catholic talking heads screaming about how this was their own kristallnacht? By the end of the day, they’d be saying Bath and Body Works molested all those altar boys.”
“Yes… that is entirely plausible,” says Avonia, sadly.
“So when I can expect to see that boycott of Bath and Body Works?” I say.
“After my coven starts talking to each other again,” says Avonia. “This past weekend’s Samhain sabbat did not go so well.”
“How so?” I say.
“You know how Samhain is the time where the veil between the living and the dead is at its thinnest?” Avonia says. “Well, in the course of a heated disagreement I told one of my coven sisters that if she didn’t shut the fuck up about who got to do the God and Goddess Ritual that I’d witch-slap her ass on the other side of that spirit veil.”
Avonia knows how to keep her pimp hand strong.