Unrequited… unrequired… whatever…

November 16, 2009

You might remember that Tina the Lesbian has a crush on Samurai Cathy.  You might also remember that Samurai Cathy is dating Mikka.  And you might also remember that Tina the Lesbian got Samurai Cathy a job as a bouncer down at the local lesbian bar ClamLappers as part of a plan to see if maybe perhaps possibly Cathy could discover her inner lesbo and have the same feelings for Tina as Tina has for her without upsetting the social balance because Samurai Cathy is dating Mikka.

(Whew, trying saying that sentence in one breath…)

“I don’t think it’s working,”  Tina the Lesbian says to her best friend Ninja Vicki as they have lunch at the food court in the mall.  “It’s been like three months and I haven’t seen anything to suggest Cathy’s even considering being bi-curious.”

“I guess that means the experiment has failed and you can stop having a crush on my archenemy,”  says Ninja Vicki.

“Or maybe I need to nudge her a little harder,” says Tina the Lesbian.  “Maybe I’m being too subtle.”

“Tina… no, just no,”  Ninja Vicki says.  “I know this is going to sound crazy coming from your ninja friend, but do not force the issue.  It won’t end well.”

“I’m not talking about grabbing her and kissing her,” Tina the Lesbian says.  “Maybe a little incidental contact that perhaps lingers a bit longer than usual.”

“Tina, I will put Tag Larkin back on your front lawn to serenade you if you try this stupid idea,”  Ninja Vicki says with a hard glare.  “Look, I know Catherine.  Catherine is not gay, just like how you will never be straight.”

“Well it doesn’t change the way I feel about her,”  Tina the Lesbian says, excusing herself to use the little lesbian’s room.

Ninja Vicki shakes her head and sighs.  “Not this shit again… fuck me…”

Tag Larkin jumps up from his seat clear across the food court and runs over to Ninja Vicki’s table, like a dog following a sound only he can hear.

“Oh… it’s you,”  Tag Larkin says, disappointed when he sees Ninja Vicki.

“Yeah, it’s me,”  Ninja Vicki says, then realizes she’s been insulted.  “Hey!  What the hell does that mean?”

“Tag Larkin thought an interesting and fun woman wanted Tag Larkin to fuck her,”  says Tag Larkin.  “But it’s just you.”

Ninja Vicki’s jaw visibily drops from behind her mask.  “I’m a fucking ninja!  You don’t get much more interesting and fun than me.”

“Tag Larkin knows otherwise,”  Tag Larkin says.

Ninja Vicki jumps up on the table.  “Oh yeah?  Well how about I prove it then?”

“Codependents’ Brewery and Steak House, 7pm tonight, be there!”  Tag Larkin says.

“No, you be there!”  says Ninja Vicki.  “Because I’ll be waiting there for you.”

“Good!  And wear something nice!”

As Tag Larkin walks away and Ninja Vicki steps down from the table, a cold realization slowly grips her.  “Wait… what just happened?”

To be continued…

vicki smallnote



  1. brings a question to mind… if you can’t ‘pray the gay away’, can someone really be ‘Tagged straight’?

  2. Tag is a silver-tongued devil for sure.

    Wonder if that line would work in real life?

  3. I once got a date in exactly the same way.

    She wasn’t a ninja, though. She was a racecar driver.

  4. I can’t wait for this.

  5. i did try “…saying it in one breath…”. i ended up passing out and opening a gash in my head from collapsing on the computer desk.

    and i haven’t had that much fun since the last batch of ‘special’ mushrooms arrived!

  6. so getting a date just involves jumping up on a table top? No stripping necessary?

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