Always Forget and Never RememberDecember 14, 2009
“Where were you the day Tiger Woods’ cock crashed into the World Trade Center?” I say.
“Probably drunk,” says Anonymous Doug. “Tiger Woods’ cock changed everything.”
“Remember when we went to war in Iraq to find Tiger Woods’ cock?” I say. “Turns out it wasn’t there. So many lives lost…”
“Then New Orleans got hit with Tiger Woods’ cock in 2005,” says Anonymous Doug. “They’re still cleaning up that mess.”
“Did they prove yet that Tiger Woods’ cock caused the Tsunami of 2004?” I say.
“Not sure if they did,” says Anonymous Doug. “But they do know that Tiger Woods’ cock let Osama bin Laden escape at Tora Bora.”
“Tiger Woods’ cock made the economy collapse,” I say.
“I lost my retirement savings on Tiger’s cock,” says Anonymous Doug.
“Well, at least it’s not Bill Clinton’s cock,” I say. “That was a dangerous cock.”
“Remember when Bill Clinton’s cock went back in time and shot Archduke Ferdinand and started the first World War?” says Anonymous Doug.
“And then Bill Clinton’s cock stopped off in 1984 to cause that Union Carbide accident in India,” I say. “But that’s old cock. The media wants new cock.”
“Why is President Obama silent on the issue of Tiger Woods’ cock?” says Anonymous Doug. “The President needs to get out in front of this issue.”
“I wouldn’t want to get in front of Tiger Woods’ cock,” I say. “I heard it caused the swine flu epidemic.”
“How many more police officers must be shot in the street by Tiger Woods’ cock before we as a nation say enough is enough?” says Anonymous Doug.
Now all this may seem like the insane ramblings of drunken rogues, but for as much attention as the media is giving to Tiger Woods fucking women who aren’t his wife I expect his cock to have caused every disaster in the last twenty years.